S1 E1: Why Seek Support Through Therapy?
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Therapy can provide an opportunity to "press pause" in a safe, private space to evaluate what is happening in your life and all the factors involved, whether it be about your emotions, thoughts, experiences, relationships, motivations, patterns, habits, etc., in a way that is more deliberate, calm, patient, collaborative, and strategic, which may be different from interactions you may have in other relationships that could feel more distracted, rushed, uncomfortable, overwhelming, or superficial.
Therapists utilize a grounding framework that is often guided by training, concepts, and theories, which can provide an opportunity to determine and conceptualize factors that may be contributing to your ailments and which process can be utilized to address these factors. Therapists can help to scaffold and guide clients to clarify and organize their experiences and thinking about what is happening in their lives. Assessment is a big part of therapy that is ongoing and may evolve over time to get to know each individual to determine the best path and steps to supporting the client moving forward.
Just because a therapeutic experience did not work for you in the past, does not mean you may not have a better experience in the future. Find someone you trust to work with and keep lines of communication open. You may not find all the answers you seek, sometimes the process is most helpful and takes some time.
When looking into therapy, determine which ailments you may want help with addressing. Learn about therapists you may want to work with. Ask them about their training, their experience, what their approach and therapy process looks like, if they are licensed, if they utilize evidence-based practices, if they accept insurance, their availability, and so forth.
Therapy can be a safe space to explore or help with: solving problems, accepting parts of yourself, making difficult decisions, shifting patterns of thought and behavior, understanding patterns, resolving things from the past, maybe changing direction in your life, etc. Being open to learning, motivated to make changes, identifying triggers, learning about oneself, and identifying and pursuing goals are common factors around which most therapy experiences can be useful.
"The only failure that truly exists is one that we don't learn from" ~Alexis
Alexis-ism: "We can't always predict, but we can prepare"
Sometimes it is difficult to ask for help and therapy takes a certain level of vulnerability to open up and share about parts of your life or self that may be creating barriers to allowing you to engage in the therapeutic process and work toward your goals.
Executive functions are a set of cognitive skills that essentially help individuals to establish goals, organize things, ideas, and themselves to make a plan, and determine which resources are most useful to aim toward their goals. This set of skills help us to navigate our everyday lives in an efficient manner. The parts of the brain that activate executive function skills (the prefrontal cortex) are typically malleable and do not fully develop until well into young adulthood.
Skills and strategies that can be addressed and developed include maintaining attention, improving memory, inhibiting automatic reactions, prioritizing resources and energy, being planful, becoming more planful and organized, and maintaining awareness and flexibility to navigate situations.
The work that Alexis does in sessions or small groups is about helping individuals increase their awareness of what interferes with achieving their goals and having a system that works for them to function in everyday life.
When these executive function skills are not developed and/or utilized, individuals may not achieve their goals; or, they may compensate in different ways by working harder, working at the last minute, and/or working longer but in a less efficient manner.
Different factors can impact whether or not, and to what degree, executive function skills are activated and utilized effectively. These factors can be related to emotional distress, physical ailments, substance misuse, life stress, trauma, environmental aspects, competing priorities, and so forth.
“Having a space and place” for everything can be grounding, like an ‘anchor’, because it helps us relieve the stress of not knowing where to go to find something, whether it be an item or a resource.
Things do not need to be set up perfectly, as it can be very difficult to maintain an expectation that is too lofty. Rather, it can help to keep things simple - “Let’s find a strategy, skill, or tool that works for you, and let’s keep that going.” Additionally, a seemingly ‘perfect’ system may not be fully functional, practical, or have buy in from those involved. In other words, “Tools are wonderful but there needs to be a motivational factor…and the how and why to implement them consistently.”
Communicating proactively and having shared responsibility with others in your life helps you to formulate a system that works for you rather than expecting that what works for others will work for you. Active communication can also avoid mismatched expectations that can lead to conflict.
It is good for adults to explicitly highlight how they, too, need to develop and use skills and strategies to function efficiently in life. This way, children do not assume that “things just get done magically” by adults without having systems in place, which could create unreasonable expectations of how things get done.
People can be heavily reinforced for their avoidance behaviors when it comes to technology that is highly stimulating and provides immediate short-term rewards (“dopamine hits”), much like how addiction works.
Work with who you are versus working against who you are, even if society or your environment is not set up to support the way you function best.
Executive function skills are very relevant to psychotherapy. For example, in psychotherapy, it is important to organize your thoughts in order to solve a problem; inhibit reactions to pause and reflect; prioritize certain actions over others.
We are often left with the task of unlearning habits that we have formed over time to accept when something may not be working, and then formulating a plan to move forward.
Sometimes individuals can have a narrative in their mind that prevents them from working on developing and practicing their executive function skills. For instance, “I’m smart, I shouldn't have to use skills,” or “I am doing well enough without changing anything,” or, being told that the person has so much potential such that they should be living up to without support or help.
Supporting an individual’s executive function skills is not to impose too much structure, where life becomes too rigid or feels too controlled, but rather to have enough structure. It’s a balance between the extremes of having too much or too much openness.
These skills are vulnerable and can be impacted by many different factors but can be scaffolded and supported proactively and across the lifespan to empower individuals to recognize and adjust for what is needed across contexts.
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In this episode Gerald and Alexis tackle questions that are often raised with regards to seeking support from a therapist:
How do I know when I may benefit from working with a therapist?
What is the therapeutic process like?
How do I help others understand the benefit of therapy?
Why might someone want to begin therapy or learning-based or performance support?
Be curious. Be Open. Be well.
The ReidConnect-Ed Podcast is hosted by Siblings Alexis Reid and Dr. Gerald Reid.
*Please note that different practitioners may have different opinions- this is our perspective and is intended to educate you on what may be possible.
