S3 E8: Learning to Live in the Present
Listen Now!
-
Aswat, Fez. Boston Yoga Collective: https://bostonyogacollective.org/
Brown, K. W., & Ryan, R. M. (2003). The benefits of being present: mindfulness and its role in psychological well-being. Journal of personality and social psychology, 84(4), 822.
Greeson JM. Mindfulness Research Update: 2008. Complementary health practice review. 2009;14(1):10-18. doi:10.1177/1533210108329862
Hanh, Thich Nhat. “Thich Nhat Hanh.” Plum Village, https://plumvillage.org/about/thich-nhat-hanh.
Kabat-Zinn. “Jon Kabat-Zinn.” https://jonkabat-zinn.com/
Keng, S. L., Smoski, M. J., & Robins, C. J. (2011). Effects of mindfulness on psychological health: a review of empirical studies. Clinical psychology review, 31(6), 1041–1056. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2011.04.006
Zhang, D., Lee, E. K. P., Mak, E. C. W., Ho, C. Y., & Wong, S. Y. S. (2021). Mindfulness-based interventions: an overall review. British medical bulletin, 138(1), 41–57. https://doi.org/10.1093/bmb/ldab005 -
It is common for people to be told things like, “slow down,” “be in the moment,” “take your time,” “get more focused,” “stop and smell the roses,” etc, all of which suggest we practice being present more often.
For the sake of this episode, being present is considered tuning in to what is happening in the moment, whether it is internal within you (e.g., thoughts, feelings, sensations) or externally within your environment, and simply being open to and accepting of it. See people like Jon Kabat Zinn’s more normal definition of mindful presence.
There is a ton of research that has been conducted over the past few decades on the benefits of being more present. Studies suggest mindfulness (being more present) is related to improvements in so many areas of functioning, including depression, anxiety, stress, insomnia, addiction, psychosis, pain, hypertension, weight control, cancer-related symptoms, and prosocial behaviors. Mindfulness-based interventions: an overall review - PMC (nih.gov)
There are so many different motivating factors both internal and external that can pull our attention in various directions, which can get us away from being in the present moment.
It is not always beneficial and adaptive to be focused on the present moment. As human beings, we, compared to other species, are built with a brain that allows us to reflect on the past (to learn, to experience nostalgia, etc.) and to project into the future (to plan, to strategize, etc.). Life is so much about balance, not always being present, being stuck in the past, or being focused on the future; all of these states of mind can be important for different reasons and in different contexts.
The suggestions and ideas of being more present originated across centuries and are not new, we are just adapting the ideas to become more practical in our Western society.
The idea of being more mindful, in the present moment, is embedded in a lot of psychotherapies given its therapeutic properties. For more, see Unified Protocol, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, aspects of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, etc.
Relationships are often built upon shared experiences that you can bond over and reminisce about later in life. Being more present, not just during the ‘big events’ but all the time, opens us up to having more positive shared experiences.
Sometimes you can change your context to be in an environment that allows you to be more present (e.g., walking through nature; being near a body of water; etc.) in times when we are stuck in the same environment and sort of feel ‘numb’ to the experience.
It can help to be more present in conversations with others. That helps people feel more connected with you and to feel more understood and appreciated. It’s not uncommon in a conversation for a person to be wrapped up in what they want to say or how they want to steer the conversation. This may be due to reasons like being anxious, wanting to prove something, not knowing how to navigate the lack of structure or uncertainty in a conversation, and/or having a hard time managing all of the information they are taking in and knowing what to do with it.
There are ways to be more present in conversations. The shift can be to simply caring about the other person, trying to understand what the other person is communicating, and simply being positive toward them.
It can also help to trust yourself more during interactions and conversations rather than worrying so much about being judged or doubting your ability to ‘do well enough’. Much like athletes in sport psychology learn to trust in their ability, you can practice trusting yourself rather than letting anxiety and worry interfere with doing what they are capable of doing naturally; you can do the same during interactions and conversations. Relieving perfectionism can also help to loosen up and be more present.
Gaining competence and a foundational skill set can also free you to be more present and free to perform at something. That comes with repetition and thoughtful practice to develop that foundation so that the skills become more automated over time.
The first time you try something may feel like the hardest part. Once you try, you can get more familiar with the experience, allowing you to know what to expect and troubleshoot more easily. It also helps to accept that there will be growing pains rather than fighting against them.
Letting go of things you cannot and/or do not need to control can also allow you to be more present and less distracted by worrying about these things that don’t even lead anywhere helpful.
With decision-making, if you jump ahead to actually making the decision, you may feel anxiety because you are not ready and not yet at that end point when you are ready to make that decision. There may be many steps that will get you ready to make the decision eventually. So, slowing down to be more present can relieve anxiety around decision-making. The same framework can be applied for recovering from an injury or any long-term process that takes time.
When you get older and gain more experience, you may become less anxious and more present because you think less about unhelpful thoughts and distractions. You can become more present by no longer prioritizing these unhelpful thoughts and distractions.
People who worry a lot may actually benefit from their worries; however, it’s not always the case as many worries may be wasted energy and not actually help anything. Therefore, being more present for worriers can happen by exposing yourself to not worrying all the time and then checking reality to see if anything bad actually happened when you let go of those worries. It can be hard to ‘let go’ of the worries and ‘just be present’ because we can get attached to the idea that worrying is necessary all the time.
You can structure your life around being more present by setting aside time for activities that allow for presence. For example, make time for home-cooking, listening to or making music, going for a walk with a loved one, setting aside time at the end of the day to wind-down, etc. Having more meaningful experiences can slow us down, rather than relying on ‘dopamine hits’ with technology and instant gratification. Instant gratification can be a never-ended cycle that takes us away from being more present.
There is research that people’s attention in general has gotten worse over the past decade or so. Why our attention spans are shrinking, with Gloria Mark, PhD (apa.org)
You may need different things at different times to be more present. For example, sometimes music can help and sometimes music can just be a distraction.
Therapy is so useful when the therapist brings a calm demeanor that can ground the patient in the present moment to just be themselves and present.
Judging yourself, judging your experience, and judging your life all the time can easily prevent you from being more present because it creates a constant state of discontent.
A metaphor is that different ‘trains of thought’ can pass through your mind and it’s your decision which ‘train’ you want to get on and which ‘train’ you want to let pass by. Even if you do get on the ‘wrong train’, it may take you a little longer or lead to a windier road; however, that may be okay and life will go on.
Pay attention to the ‘stuff’ that gets in your way from being more present. Take a ‘pause’, take a breath, and check-in with yourself. Even that small moment can make a big difference. Doing so can also help you realize what you need; something as simple as needing food, sleep/rest, or something to tend to your emotional needs.
Acceptance helps us to be more present. Acceptance of the things that make life difficult, uncomfortable, and disorganized; so that we can be present in the ‘eye of the storm’.
-
Gerald Reid 00:14
Welcome back to the Reid Connect-ED podcast. Have you ever heard people say this to you… maybe at some point in your life, maybe often, maybe from time to time, things like:
Be here now. Let it flow. Go with the flow. Slow down. Take your time. Take one step at a time, be where you are, trust the process. See what's in front of you stop and smell the roses for once.
How about this call from Ferris Bueller? “Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop, look around once in a while you can miss it.”
And how about this quote from Emily Dickinson “forever is full of now's”
What a beautiful thing. So what's the theme of all these sayings? And all these quotes… What's the theme of them?
Alexis Reid 01:00
I would say it's about finding and feeling presence.
Gerald Reid 01:04
Yeah, it is. It's about presence. And that's what this episode is going to be about today, it's about being present, we're going to try to be present throughout the entire episode as much as we could. And today we're going to identify all the benefits of being present. We're not just going to talk about the research studies. But mostly we're going to talk about the practical ways in which being present can be incorporated into your everyday life. And we do want to let you as listeners know that, as you may already know that being present is not a new idea. You know, this is embedded in a lot of philosophies about life that have existed for centuries. So we want to pay respects to where these ideas came from. But this episode really is going to be about the practical nature, of allowing presences to be part of your life as it relates to all the topics that we talk about on this podcast, ranging from learning, mental health, relationships, performance, and happiness, and so forth.
And for simplicity sake, just to kind of give context around, you know, what we're talking about when we say presence. When we say be present, we're really referring to essentially slowing your mind down and attending to what is happening in the here and now, specifically, in a way where you're just open to and accepting of whatever it is that you notice. And that could be tuning into what's going on within you emotionally, what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what your body feels like, or what's going on around you.
But it's all what's happening in the present moment, non future and not in the past. And to me really being more present is an attitude, we'll talk more about that kind of it as an attitude as a way of life doesn't necessarily have to be a meditation practice, although that can certainly help. So we're gonna talk about the practical nature of it, and Alexis, we'll get into a little bit more of the technicalities of it. And so if you're listening, find a way to settle in, find your presence, and immerse yourself in the moment as we discuss this topic. And perhaps limiting distractions around you go for a walk, comfortable on your couch or on your bed, whatever helps you to be present and to tune in as you're listening. Give it a shot, and find your focus and find your peace knowing that you are here now.
Alexis Reid 03:40
Great introduction, Jer. And for the listeners to know we had a little back and forth because that list of phrases and sayings that we hear so often, and maybe we see on, you know, the token sign in somebody's house or in a classroom or office reminding us to be present. Sometimes it could sound a little bit condescending or a little bit impatient. And the intention of the sayings is the exact opposite of that. But why does it feel like something that can be so averse to us? Just being present just being here? We talk a lot about how breathing and being present and just showing up seems to be something that's so easy to do. But why do these phrases elicit this like cringy feeling for a lot of us?
Gerald Reid 04:34
I’m gonna give a very meta answer to that. I think it's because we have to be present to allow the feedback that we're not being present. Otherwise, we're gonna be defensive. Like it's a correction or criticism.
Alexis Reid 04:47
Yeah, it's so true and you know, to pull the pull the curtain back a little bit on our conversations before we got started. I was sharing with you that a lot of the clients I work with might feel you know, really averse to hearing those phrases because they hear it so often whether they're at work or they're in the classroom, and it's like, be more focus be more present, or Where'd your mind go? It's really great to be curious and ask those questions. But when you only hear that all the time, it almost does the opposite. It makes you not want to be present and not hear anything else that's being said.
Gerald Reid 05:24
All right. So all of Alexis’s clients that are listening right now I'm going to validate you. It's not always adaptive to always be present. So good for you. If you're not always present, sometimes, I mean, it's not like you're a bad person for not being present, right? It's actually, you know, adaptive to not always be present, if you're only focusing on what's in front of you all the time, you're not thinking ahead, you're not planning. And we've talked about this on other episodes that as human beings were built more than other species, to have the ability to project into the future and to think about the past. And maybe we have that ability for a reason, and we should use it. You know, so like your dog Rafa, who's always in the present, come on, play with me play with them, they're like, I'm hungry, give me this, give me that, right.
It's not always adaptive to always be present. But you know, we have to plan think ahead, be strategic learn from the past. Also reminisce on the past, you know, imagine a better future for ourselves, all those things.
So let's just give some context and some validation that it's okay to not always, you know, think about the present. And for the Warriors, it's actually adapted to worry sometimes. But we also have to be in check when it's, you know, helpful to bring ourselves back into the moment, everything's about balance.
Alexis Reid 06:38
And one of the coolest things that I always say, is so important to me. And my job is that all of these skills, right, being present, having awareness, having focus, like these are skills that can be developed. You know, if you're listening to this, or like, Oh, I just can't be present, it's very difficult for me, my mind is full of all this information, these worries, these lists these things I have to do, it makes it difficult to be in this moment, here and now, because all of this extra noise is actually getting in my way, I want us to remember that there are things we can do to improve this state.
And I'm glad you brought up Rafa because he's currently in training to be a therapy dog, right? Because he has such therapeutic benefits just in who he is he, I joke that his biggest difficulty is that he jumps up and gives hugs, which is the therapeutic benefit of him. But I was in a training session this week. And the trainer reminded me that he needs to do attention focus, and in my head, I'm cracking up. And because I'm like, This is what I do for my work, I help people to tune in, to what's happening, to build awareness, to build attention and focus, and ultimately, to be present, we need to be open to this awareness and harness some of our focus, as we're navigating through our days.
And in our worlds in our lives, in our minds, there's so many different motivating factors that bring our attention to different areas and aspects of our lives, whether they're internal, to our thinking, to our planning to our cognitive processes, that sometimes can go awry, and we'll talk about this soon, but also to the environmental and social factors that are constantly pulling at our attention, that sometimes can get us away from the present moment.
So, you know, as we listen through this episode, and we go through this discussion together Jer, I want the listeners to think about what feels workable in your life, because we're going to offer a lot of suggestions. We're going to provide a lot of psychoeducation though, as you said in the introduction, you know, a lot of these concepts and ideas that we talked about are not new, you know, in my own meditation and spiritual work that I do for myself, you know, there are centuries of knowledge and wisdom that are passed on both through religion and philosophy, that I think all come together in the psychological practicalities and protocols that we use in our present day, especially in the United States that are super helpful in allowing for us to be more present.
So I want us to be mindful that there is a ton of information that leads to us showing up in this conversation, both philosophically, spiritually, psychologically, and, you know, through empirical evidence and research base. One of the things that I love about all the neuroscience research that's happening right now is that a lot of amazing scientists and researchers are saying we know so much is helpful in, you know, being able to sit and be mindful, be present, if meditation is your thing. Let's actually do the research to have some empirical evidence to prove why that's happening. So there's so much of that in the background that is fueling this conversation and discussion, but for the purposes of this episode today, we're not going to go into the specificity of it. Because we want this to feel accessible. And we want you to feel like there's something that you can do to help yourself be more present in the moment.
Gerald Reid 10:12
Definitely. So let's real quick, just do a quick review of the research. This is not doing the research justice. And there's plenty of other podcasts will just go into hours and hours long about the research. But that's not what this podcast is about. But real quick, you know, the creator literature review that was done in 2021. That's just basically like all the interventions that have been studied. And this was done in the British Medical bulletin, of which like, all you know, all the studies that have been done around mindfulness training and what what the benefits could be. And so the effects are that there's improvements in things like depression, anxiety, stress, insomnia, addiction, psychosis, pain, hypertension, weight loss, cancer related symptoms, being more prosocial towards other people more positive towards other people. And there's a lot of, you know, more research coming out, I'm sure there's gonna be more benefits, but let's just like, throw that out there. There's the research, it's a very simplistic version of it is more nuances to it. Of course, it's not, you know, not also not going to help everybody, there's some people who say, you know, sometimes being mindful can have the opposite effect, there's different nuances to it as well.
Alexis Reid 11:21
And there's a reason why this shows up in so many psychological protocols, right, Jerry, you know, even in CBT, thinking about your own thinking, reflecting being more meta, in DBT, integrating these skills for mindfulness practice and training, in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, there's a huge mindfulness factor in there too to build in meditation and more mindful awareness training, to be in tune with both our thoughts and our, our somatic experiences, there's so much of this that shows up in psychological form. And I will say that, you know, in my training and putting all this together, one of the most helpful things I've heard was from my meditation teacher, Fez, who I got to give so much credit to who helps me just like process through all these thoughts, and bringing all these pieces together in you know, I said, you know, Fez, there's so much out there in the psychological world that talks about mindfulness and meditation and presence, but it's nothing new, and Fes said to me. You know, Alexis, in our society in this world, there's only so much information that we can process and bring together and not everybody's going to be open to the philosophical, the spiritual is a religiosity side of it. So sometimes we need to put it in perspective, and thinking about it in psychological terms, in practical terms, is more helpful in this day and age for people to utilize this. And if they take anything away from it, that's helpful for them. That's actually the work. That's actually the importance of it. So in this conversation, he needed to get that out of the way, because we're not going to dig deep into that we really want to talk about some ideas, and some reasons why this is helpful. So that you can pick and choose what you try out.
Gerald Reid 13:12
Definitely, nice response, Fez. All right, so let's jump in, let's talk about some ways that being present could be beneficial to different aspects of your life. So I do think that being mindful and present helps you to have experiences with people in the moment and shared experiences. And I think a lot of relationships are built around shared experiences, you know, where you can experience something together, and then later in life be like, Oh, I remember when that happened together, but to have shared experiences, you know, you really got to be present to notice when they're happening. And it doesn't have to be some grand thing, like, you're at this big party. And like, it's crazy. And everyone's like, you know, like super highly stimulated or whatever, you know, could be something so simple in to me, those are the greatest moments
Alexis Reid 14:00
Can I share one of my favorite things about graduate school? So the listeners might not know this. But somehow Jerry and I, we did our undergraduate training across the country to different places. And we came back together in Boston for graduate school serendipitously, it wasn't part of our plan, but apparently was part of a plan. And graduate school, for those of you who know is pretty expensive. And those of you who work through it and get through it, you know, you got to just be scrappy. So Jerry and I would figure it out with our friends, some places where we can get a good meal without overextending ourselves. And in these moments in in these meals, Jerry had the best line, I think ever.
Gerald: I don't remember that.
Alexis Reid: Oh, my gosh, yes, you will, in a second. The best line ever, and he would if you would eat something that tasted so good. Oh, I remember. He would say, “Guys, you got to just close your eyes and take a bite and try this.” And we ultimately heard that whole experience of like shutting off some of your senses to do Just be noticing the sensation and the taste of the food that you're eating and just appreciating that one thing. And maybe it was because we were in grad school and you know, scrapping it together to make it work. But when you appreciate something that tastes so good, and you shut off other senses to just appreciate it, it's such an amazingly mindful experience. So from now on, anytime something tastes so good, we're always like, oh, “It’s an eye closer, I got to experience it this way.”
Gerald Reid 15:26
That was the quote. Yeah. It’s like an eye closer or a face melter.
Alexis Reid: Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Gerald Reid: Yeah, I love that. So you know, you and everybody here listening is going to be in different contexts, a different place a different space, different circumstances. So you know, being present, sometimes you got to go out of your way to experience something, change your contexts to be more present, whether that's through nature, go through, you know, take a walk through the woods, if you live near the woods, if you live near the ocean, or a body of water.
You know, like we said, in other episodes, you got to change your context, if you're not feeling great. And part of that is go somewhere else where you can be more present, maybe you're in your room all day, and you don't get the chance to be present. Because it's just, you know, it's you just kind of numb, right? And you gotta like, get out into the world somewhere and find your own way to do that could be anything, right? Many ways to do it.
So let's talk about relationships in relate in relationships in relation to being present. So, you know, how many times have you had a conversation with someone, and let's compare and contrast. And it's not a dichotomous thing. And by the way, everybody does this. So you know, don't take offense to it. But when you're talking to someone, and you feel like the other person is just really trying to figure out what they're going to say, or steer the conversation somewhere, that they perhaps want it to go. And again, there's many reasons why people do that. It's not like, you know, they're like a self absorbed person or something. Like there's many ways people can be anxious, right? And they're like, or they don't know what to talk about, or it's hard to go with the flow and a conversation. So you know, they kind of talk about what they know what they're comfortable with.
Alexis Reid 17:10
Yeah, or they're, or they're trying to, you know, prove themselves that they are worthy of the conversation that they have something important or valuable to share? Yes, right. So many different factors in the background that might be happening.
Gerald Reid 17:25
Yes, there's a lot of dynamics. And that's why, you know, part of becoming more present is recognizing your own dynamics that are happening in a situation that are behind the scenes. Exactly. Right. Right, if you feel like you have some insecurities that you're dealing with, try to grapple with those right and kind of opened yourself up to new perspective on how to relate with people, I'll give you a quick example.
You know, working with people with social anxiety. And you know, a lot of times when you have social anxiety, you're anything but present. Because a lot of times you're focusing on yourself so much. And when we dig into that in our therapy sessions, you know, the people say, like, I don't want to be thinking about myself so much, I want to be thinking about the other person. And, you know, we talk about what's motivating them to be, you know, self protected, and worrying about, you know, how they're being judged, perhaps, or being perceived, and how they feel badly about themselves are like, I'm not good enough, or they're not gonna like me, because of this reason.
And, and so we actually move into an evolution of thought. And it's really eye opening, I think, for people to change the context to say, well, what is our relationship built upon, and a relationship, which is, you know, what interactions could be about, it doesn't have to just be about getting through the interaction, just to get through it, it could be about the relationship with that person. And a relationship is built upon, in my opinion, being present with them, caring about them, being open about them, listening to them, and in showing interest in and so forth.
And so you know, that paradigm shift helps the person to be more present, where they don't have to think to themselves Oh, like, you know, I'm worse than them. And I'm inferior, like that whole paradigm is, is off the table in the challenge those beliefs, first of all, and realize that, you know, people are just different doesn't make them better than you people are different. And we can appreciate differences. And, you know, you wouldn't want other people thinking to themselves, what you think about yourself, so don't have that double standard. And so, and then by doing so, you change the paradigm to say, Hey, I just want to be present.
That's what a relationship is built upon. Let me prioritize the relationship and being present over all these, you know, self protective mechanisms we have about being anxious around people because of your fear of being judged and so forth.
Alexis Reid 19:45
So I'm going to kind of highlight and prioritize some of the things that you just said, because there's so much in there. And when I have conversations with parents, caregivers, and educators, you know, bosses, people who are working you meet others who are trying to figure out and understand what gets in the way of people being present, whether they're at school or at work or at home. And a lot of this, of course, is related to attention and attentional difficulties.
But, you know, there's also a big executive function component that I often explain. So the cycle education around this is the fact that sometimes it's hard to be present and hold on to information and conversation, especially in your working memory, to be able to use it and respond in some way. And oftentimes when, you know, a flow of information is coming at somebody, it can actually cause a lot of disorganization in there in an individual's mind, who might be struggling with executive function to be able to prioritize, okay, what, what information is important to me? What information are they sharing that's important to them? How do I want to construct my response, and sometimes people are in their own minds, it might not just be that they're worrying about the relationship, which definitely could be a factor. But they might also be trying to just like sift through the information that's coming from the person they're talking with. And if it's in a bigger group, you know, reading the nonverbal cues from other people, understanding the environmental stimuli that's coming in from, you know, the window, what's happening outside, the noise, that the air conditioner, or the heater’s making, or you know, the lights being a little overwhelming, there's like so many stimuli. So much information that's coming in, in any given moment, that can impact our ability to be present, especially in a conversation.
Gerald Reid 21:39
Okay, that's a great point. So let me use a metaphor or an analogy to, to respond to that. So it's so true, right? When you like a conversation, first of all, there's no structure to it, you have no idea where to go with it.
Alexis Reid 21:51
You mean, there's not an outline that says like, first we're going to talk about this, and then we're going to talk about that ?
Gerald Reid 21:57
Right, no.
Alexis Reid 22:00
You know, sequencing is hard.
Gerald Reid 22:02
And sometimes people do need to have like the create a little bit of structure in their minds. But a lot of times what I find, especially people with social anxiety is they actually don't trust themselves. And you're so right. It's, it's, you know, the decisions and stuff. But at the end of the day, it kind of like an athlete, who knows how to shoot the basketball, who knows how to make the past when the past is there, yes, or any other sport for whatever they're doing right? When you do enough, you can do it.
And so much of sports psychology is trusting it and not overthinking it. Because the anxiety itself can make you more even even more jumbled up in your brain and doubting yourself that prevents you from doing the very thing that you're actually capable of. So my response to that is, a lot of times you got to learn how to trust yourself, and relieve yourself of all that anxiety, that it's gotta be the right thing, the right thing or doubting yourself that you can do it or it's going to come across the right way, then that allows you to be present. Yeah.
And by the way, there's tons of research now and in the field of sports psychology has really moved into helping athletes to be more present, which actually does help their performance. So I think that really proves the analogy, right? When you trust yourself, you're able to be present, and be able to allow your dog to do what you can actually do, rather than overthinking or doubt it.
Alexis Reid 23:22
Yeah. And, you know, I talked to you about this a little bit, but a little sneak peek on some of the work I'm doing behind the scenes is you know, I work a lot with people who have these perfectionistic tendencies where they are kind of overthinking and over planning, sometimes what gets in the way of them being present to just perform and do what they need to do, whether they're practicing an instrument, or they're practicing a sport, or they're practicing their academic skills, whether it's reading or writing or whatever it might be, that oftentimes, they're getting in the way of their own work of their own things that they're trying to do. And the things that bring them joy, which interferes with their experience.
So a lot of the work that I'm trying to flesh out is helping people understand that, and this came up the other day, I hope my client hears this because it came up the other day in a conversation with somebody I'm working with that, you know, oftentimes we try to achieve mastery. But that's not usually the destination. Right? Sometimes it's about the practice, it's about the improvement in one of the things that I reminded them of, is that the first thing you try something is probably going to be the hardest that'll ever be. Because the next time you try it, if you're willing to go back to that challenge, or that thing that taxed you in a way that didn't feel comfortable. It's never going to feel that hard, because you already have the experience of trying it once.
Gerald Reid: You know what it's like. There are more expectations.Alexis Reid: You have more expectations. We talked about this with Marissa and thinking about, you know, children predicting what's happening. They don't have as many data points yeah, but once you start to accrue those data points, it leads us to this level of feeling more comfortable, you can troubleshoot easily more easily. So one of the things I'm working on is actually changing the language that we describe when we're working towards anything.
And I know it sounds silly, but when we're working towards being present, yeah, it's like, How comfortable are you in this moment? Yeah. And what do we have control over to actually give us that sense of comfort and ease. And when you made the, the end of the metaphor about the athlete showing up, when you are practiced, and you have the skills, and you trust in yourself, you show up more comfortable to be able to perform. And I just, I was listening to a little bit of an invert an interview with Lex Friedman, and this musician, I can't remember her name, but I'm going to post it on my social media, because it was such a profound conversation, where she was a very young girl playing the bass with one of the best Jeff Beck, one of the best guitar players ever. And, you know, he asked her, were you nervous? And in her response, she said, No, you know what, I had my skills. And if I were to show up on stage, feeling nervous, feeling overwhelmed, feeling scared, I wouldn't be able to produce the thing that I've been practicing so much to do. Right. So when you think about that athletic performance side of things, this shows up every day, this is not just in these high stakes situations where you're playing with the best guitarist ever, or you're showing up to take a foul shot in a big game, to be able to push your team forward.
This shows up every single day, if a kid is in a classroom and is asked to read out loud, if you know you are in a conversation with somebody you care a lot about. And you want to be able to share something that's meaningful and important to expand your relationship.
If you are at work, and you're, you know, giving a presentation to share what you've been doing, and share the progress and the updates on whatever you've doing. This shows up all the time in our lives. And to be able to work on that is to be aware in the present of what these mechanisms are, that are either helping you to feel more comfortable in a moment, or impeding that. So this whole conversation is not just about like, oh, yeah, like you said at the beginning, you know, be present, just pay more attention, you know, just do the thing, because there's so many factors, and it's so nuanced, but but the point of us having this discussion on the podcast, is to hopefully inspire folks to just take a pause.
And just like check in, you know, one of my greatest strategies that I share with clients of all ages in the people around them in their lives. It's like sometimes we need to just press pause and check in. Yeah, yeah, there's one of my clients laughs You know that that old song is check yourself before you wreck yourself. That's literally what they say in their heads because it works for them. Yeah, it's like, can you check yourself before you wreck yourself, like literally. But that interferes with us being present.
Gerald Reid 28:03
So let me let me pull apart some pieces of what you just said. Number one, let me summarize. Number one, use my working memory skills right now. Here we go. Number one, the first step is the hardest. But once you take that first step, you can get used to a situation and know what to expect a little bit more. And by doing so you can begin to troubleshoot. And that's all normal, if you can accept that there's going to be growing pains.
Okay, I'm gonna extend it a little further. And before we move on to the second point, so even with decision making, helps to be present in the steps of the decision making. So I was talking, you know, I talk to my patients about this, when you have a big decision that has to happen in like six months from now or a year from now, or years from now, you can feel like, Oh, I gotta make the decision. Now, I'm so anxious and stressed and panicked, about make about making the decision. And what I suggest is, well, yeah, you probably are anxious for a reason. Because you're putting yourself into the future, in a place where you're not supposed to be yet.
You're not ready to make that decision. And when you will be ready, it'll be much easier, because you will be ready for that decision, for a lot of reasons, because he had experience and steps that got you ready to make the decision.
Alexis Reid: It's a growth mindset of you.
Gerald Reid: Yeah, but it's also just, you know, more realistic about how anxiety works, right? Oh, totally. You're putting yourself in the future where you shouldn't be. And that's a good thing. I'm like, you know, I'm glad you're anxious when you think about having to be somewhere in the future that you're not supposed to be, yet.
Your anxiety is telling you something, pay attention to it. Don't try to get rid of or numb that anxiety. Pay attention to what it's telling you. It's telling you you're not ready to be in the future yet. You got to take those steps and with decision making get more information. And maybe you don't need that huge piece of information. You got to start small. Let me get a little bit of information about this and that'll take me into another direction.
I had somebody who is in the Boston area have reached out to me and I love when people do this. And she's like, you know, I'm thinking about getting into the psychology fields, you know, I graduated college and and can I just spend some time chatting with you? I'm like, Yes. Like I, you know, I wish that more people did that for me when I was younger. Or maybe if I had the courage to do that with more professionals in the field, and we had like a 30 minute conversation I'm like, and she said, Thank you so much. I'm like, Well, you know, how can I not do this for someone in the field who wants to get into our field? Who cares about our field… You know, I love that you're asking questions and you asking other people questions to learn, because it's like, you don't know what you don't know, of course, you're going to be anxious, if you don't know what you don't know.
And so you got to take that first step to get a little bit information, and then you build on it, and then you build on it, then you know what you need, you don't know what you need, until you get more information. So it's all process gotta stay with the process.
Alexis Reid 30:48
Often we’re just not there yet. And that's okay.
Gerald Reid 30:52
Totally, yes, and athletes got to remember that too, like, are so many athletes that are so competitive, and so goal oriented, and a lot of times they're anxious, because they're putting themselves into some future, even with injuries, you know, overcoming injuries and rehabbing from injuries and healing from injuries, you know, or being able to play at a high level again, after their injury. You know, like, you're going to be anxious if you project yourself into a future that you're not supposed to be in.
Alexis Reid 31:19
yeah. And that, that anxiety, the worries that come up is actually really important information that can ground you in the presence, because it's like, okay, all these things are coming up and possible. But where are we right now? How do we get back to right here and right now? Gerald Reid: Definitely.
Alexis Reid: And so Okay, so you're summarizing? Number one is take the first step, it's going to be the most challenging, but we could set ourselves up by manipulating the environment, having access to resources, and building some confidence outside of ourselves or within ourselves to just try.
Gerald Reid 31:57
Definitely Yep. And for the listener, this is not scripted, right here. And, and I'm literally like, just as she was talking, I'm thinking myself, alright, don't panic, I really want to remember that second point. Because I didn't panic, I was able to remember it.
Okay, second point that I wanted to make that pulled in from what you had said earlier, is, I think as you get older, and as you get more experience, when it comes to performance, and even just navigating your life, I think the reason you become a little bit less anxious as you get older is not necessarily that you think more things or new things, which definitely helps, we want to expand our thought process and, and be open to new perspectives. I think that helps
Alexis Reid: and be creative.
Gerald Reid: and be creative. But what my point here is that I think we actually think less about certain things. And that helps us to be less anxious, and more in the moment. Let me give an example. So like, let's take some athletes I work with, or just people in general who have social anxiety, which, as we talked about, and the anxiety prevents you from being present, and being present is, you know, kind of what we're we're hoping for some of the things that they may think less about, or things like well, you know, I used to really always think about the future so much, like, what are the implications of winning this game or making this shot or, you know, winning this tournament, and as they got older, and they did the work, you know, in our sessions, it's like, I don't think that anymore. So it's not that they're doing more, they're actually doing less of these extra things that are unnecessary and have a second point as you comment afterwards.
Alexis Reid 33:38
So this is this is an example of being distracted in the moment because you and I are very present right here and right now. But as you're saying things, it's stimulating so many thoughts that are important to me and connected to what you're saying.
Gerald Reid 33:48
You're aware of those thoughts.
Alexis Reid 33:50
And that is being present. Right. So I'm going to articulate some of that. So the listener can be validated too, so I think, I don't know if it's that we think about things less, I think that we have that procedural knowledge through experience of practice, right?
When you learn something new, there's so many pieces of getting to feeling comfortable doing it, right, whether you are an athlete and you're learning technical skills, right? Sometimes you have to get really fine tuned on the technicality before you can put it together and perform same.
Same with an instrument right? Like you have to learn the scales and the chords before you can really play a song and just play and just and just play and like make things up. You know, there's a lot of technicality and logistical procedural motion the foundations that need to be set and I think as we get older, if we've, you know, tested out a lot of different types of things, or we've had different experiences. We don't think as much about the logistical aspects of it, you know, you know, the same thing with like tying a shoe. Right when you're a little kid, you're thinking Oh, I gotta make the loop and swoop and you know, all the things to make the bow to tie your shoe.
But when you're older, you don't think about you just do it. You Yeah, so I think maybe that's where, you know, as we get older, we free up space in our mind. And I know there actually is research on this that I'm not familiar with. But, you know, we free up parts of our mind to be able to do different things and focus differently. Right?
Gerald Reid 35:14
So let me summarize what you just said. So part of being more present, as you were saying is that you actually gain skills and a foundation of knowledge and, and capabilities that helps you to not have to think so much about the details and the technicalities, which is very true, right? It's kind of like you, you're an athlete, you're learning you know, how the plays work, the more familiar you are with the plays, that you're going to perform, the more familiar and the more rehearsed they are, the more you don't have to think so much about it consciously, it's more unconscious, that you can free your mind to being present. That's why rehearsal is so important. That's why repetition is so important. I agree with that.
I'm gonna say it's also true, as I was saying that we start to think less about other things that are irrelevant and unhelpful. And those are really kind of like worries. And some of the worries that we talked about are like, you know, what, are other people thinking about me? How are they judging me? Or what's going to happen in the future? Or, you know, thinking about something that's irrelevant, like a relationship issue that's happening with somebody else, while you're talking to someone who has nothing to do with that, you know, you're just distracted by things that are not happening in the moment. And, you know, I think part of being more present is learning, what are these things that will go through our head that are relevant to either, you know, being present or being present with our performance or with what we're doing or with our experiences?
And so, you know, that's why part of mindfulness training is kind of being aware, like, Okay, what kind of thought is that that's, like, you know, that's a thought about the past, let me kind of categorize that, let that pass, you know, so I don't have to focus on and so so much of mindfulness training is labeling kind of what's going through our mind, that's not really you know, important to the present.
And just allowing you to notice it and letting it pass in this comes from the CBT world is, in terms of therapy, you know, people who worry a lot chronic warriors, the challenge that they often face with therapy is that they feel like they have to worry about everything, that it's actually served their life very well, that it's helped them, and they're not wrong, you know, worrying is actually very helpful and adaptive. So certain things, you know, you don't want to just judge somebody's worries and say, stop worrying so much just be present.
Certain worries actually are useful, it's helpful to adaptive to, you know, think critically and plan and make judgments about certain things to to help you. At the same time, it's not always helpful. And if you're going to be honest with yourself, you're going to realize that so part of being more mindful, if you're a worrier is to accept, you know, certain things that you can control and that you don't need to control. And so that you're not overdoing the worry, you know, it's very easy to overdo things that seem like they're good. But when you push it too far, it's not good anymore. It's not very helpful. And it’s not good as a judgment. But just in general, it's not very helpful to be present, if you're always worrying all the time. So a lot of you know, being mindful and present is this submitting is being vulnerable enough to accept that what you're doing is not helping you be more present and accepting that and to say, Okay, I'm gonna try, and that takes courage takes courage, because worrying is an armor that we use, we use armor, you know, to feel better, because people don't want to be anxious, and they're afraid, you know, worrying is actually a way to, in some ways, prevent being anxious and vulnerable by you know, being present is actually being vulnerable and realizing, it's almost like exposure therapy, let me be present and realize that everything's okay. I didn't worry so much about this. And yet, look, here we are, pay attention is anything bad happening?
You know, you had a conversation with that person, you were present, you didn't worry the whole time, anything bad happen? No, nothing bad really happen. And then little by little, you get more practice with it. Just like the athlete, you know, you stopped worrying so much about everybody else, or the people watching you, you were just present had you perform and all the athletes, and they actually performed better. anything bad happened, that you stopped worrying so much about these things that don't really matter so much now that you've gained wisdom, that they don't matter as much?
You don't need to worry. And they're like, Yeah, freeing. Yeah, but you always got to come back to it. Because you know, we're all human, we're always gonna be pulled into another distraction and another worry, that's going to take us away from being present. And sometimes that's going to be useful. And sometimes it's not, you know, but that's the way the human mind is, you know, it's not like we can always be present. It's going to be hard to do that, you know, even when you become the best of the best of the best, there's gonna be something else you're going to worry about. It's going to take you away from being present.
Alexis Reid 39:47
Well, I think that's such an important point. And I'm so glad that you and I get to have this conversation because we're kind of coming at this from our own fields and wealth of expertise. And it's a little bit different. In that, you know, when you bring up all these mentions of worrying, getting in the way of us being present, it's really important for us to pay attention to.
Because in our fast paced frenetic worlds where we're constantly going, we can feel really overstimulated, that being present can actually be really scary, because so much comes up for us. And we talked about this a little bit with, with Dr. Wu on the sleep episode about how we don't give ourselves enough time to just like unwind, and just be. And she brought up some really great points about mind wandering, and just like literally doing nothing, you know, to allow for our brains to settle in, I want us all, to just take a moment, just to notice, I'm not going to walk you through a full meditation here. But I have to make this point that
I want you to just take a moment and close your eyes.
And just take a few breaths. Don't think about it. Don't worry about it. Don't count the amount of time it takes to go. With your inhale and your exhale. Just breathe with your eyes closed. And once you get settled, I want you to just notice how your body feels. See if you're carrying or holding any tension. See if your mind starts to race or you're feeling overstimulated.
Just notice where you are right now. When you're ready, you can open your eyes, if you want to press pause on the podcast episode and continue the practice of just being aware of your body and your mind. Go for it.
There's some really amazing meditation recordings on different apps or YouTube that you can get for free. But just think about that, that experience in that moment. Were you feeling overstimulated? Were you able to just be present with yourself and your breath in that one moment? Or was there something else going on? I don't think that we give ourselves enough time and patience just to be because we might be afraid of what comes up
Gerald Reid 42:14
Or it feels like a waste of time. Oh, and I think this is what you were alluding to earlier lacks, and that was really nice. It calmed me down. But you know, I think that we're conditioned to be productive or to feel like we have to always, always, always be productive. Yeah. And you know, you know, it's a, it's a trap that we can get into, you know, it certainly is a trap.
And it doesn't help when the reality is we're allowed to… give yourself permission. And this is why I think it's important to structure your life around being more present. So that we're not always reacting to things we're conditioned to do. Like, always be productive, always do this, always do that. And so structuring your life around being present is like what you said before, like, you know, schedule some time to go for a walk. Or when you are going for a walk or doing your commute, do it in a way that feels a little bit better. Because by the way commuting, especially in your car, I think research has said it's like the most unhappy time of your life, which I you know, it's it's sad to say that but you know,
Alexis Reid: I actually like it.
Gerald Reid: yeah, well, some people do, right, because you change the you change the the experience, yeah, by being more present with it, or finding a way to enjoy it more so. But you know, structure your life around it, you spend time with loved ones, you know, cook. That's why, you know, recently I've been thinking so much more when trying to get on trying to get a chef come on here to talk about the benefits of cooking because it does make you so present. Like that's changing the context and structuring your life around. I'm going to do this because I like doing the act of cooking, it makes me present.
Alexis Reid 43:56
But we'll talk about this in the future. But that's actually I recommend all the time, whether it's an educator or a caregiver, or just an adult, that they practice cooking, because there's so many executive function skills and attention needed to be able to do that well. And it's broken down for you in a recipe right? You have to pay attention to time and amounts and resources and color and texture and all the things which is so amazing. And you know, the end goal is get to hopefully enjoy something that's tasty and delicious.
Gerald Reid 44:28
Totally. And the irony is that you know, our society is built around instantaneous gratification, right like order food out, get picked get takeout or like just do microwavable foods and stuff. And it's almost like a never ending cycle. You know, it's almost like you got to make more money, make more money make it's never enough. It's never enough.
And certainly I’m not dismissing the importance of money, like people need money to like live comfortably and not always survive. 100% But what I'm suggesting here is that when you know our lifestyle revolves around like, everything's got to keep keep moving, I need to be stimulated nearly the new Instagram thing, or this or that, or the new show or needs to be watching something I need to always be stimulated. It's a never ending cycle.
And there is research that people's attention has gotten worse over the past 10 years, 15 years, like there's really no, there's people studying this. The question is why I think it's because it's just this, you know, positive psychology calls it a hedonic treadmill, where you just constantly trying to get more and more and more, it's never enough. And that's addiction. Unfortunately, it's never enough.
Alexis Reid 45:34
And there's so many ways to get short bursts of dopamine that are not actually long lasting, there's a difference between getting dopamine by you know, getting a like, or sharing a link on social media, versus doing something that's purposeful, that's going to actually sustain you and build out that that slower dopamine release that doesn't reinforce this, I need to do more and get more of something.
So we need to think about how all of this plays a role in where our presence and attention gets hijacked. And we'll do more and talk more about attention specifically, but I want to bring it back to presence. Because I also want to remind the listeners that being present doesn't mean totally shutting off your brain, and other things that are happening in the background. Like, that actually causes more stress, like, oh, my gosh, am I being present?
You know, so I want us to also acknowledge that we're gonna bring with us into an experience or moment what we have experienced before, you know, we want to acknowledge that you might get really excited about something and hold on to it and maybe miss something that somebody else says or be in a classroom, and you're so excited to share your answer that you don't realize that, you know, the moment has passed, and you blurt it out, because there's some impulsivity there, right? There's all these different factors that can get in the way of being present that are actually not maladaptive. They're protective and positive in some ways, right? So I want us to be mindful of that and to think about, you know, if you are going to take a mindful walk and try to be present outside nature, in that experience, you know, sometimes you can put music on when I was younger. You know, we had cassette players and CD, what are they called?
Gerald Reid 47:18
CD burners?
Alexis Reid 47:21
No, what were those like? They weren't Walkman but they were CDs, like a little CD player that you like a Walkman. But I forget, I can't remember. Anyways. But like, I always was like, so into music that I'm like, Oh, I wish I had a soundtrack to my life. Right? music playing all the time. And there's, there's something that helps ground you in the moment when that happens. But also, it's a little bit of a distraction too.
Yeah, and I don't know about you all who are listening. And Jerry, I think you agree with me that, like when you're watching a TV show, or movie, and there's a good soundtrack in the background, it actually makes the show or the movie, like a little bit better for you. Because you're like, oh, that's at least a great song that matches the moment. This is awesome.
But you know, for me, I always thought I wanted a soundtrack to my life. And now as I'm trying to become more aware of where my attention goes, that I'm noticing that when I have music playing or a podcast, when I'm going for a walk, sometimes for me, that's helpful to ground me in the moment. But sometimes it's more of a distraction. Yeah. So I want people to notice and recognize that, like, you might need different things at different times to ground yourself in the moment in the present moment. And that's okay. I don't want you to go around thinking I have to tweak or change. Like there's, there's this emphasis and I get a little bit uncomfortable with my role in this on social media or with a podcast or in my work, that there's such an emphasis on people having to change Yeah, but I don't want it to think about like, you have to change to be better. Like, no, we're evolving as we learn more about ourselves. Yeah, and sometimes we might need different things at different times. And when it comes to being present in a moment, pay attention to that.
Gerald Reid 48:58
I love that Lex and in what you need, might actually just be another person to be calm around you. And I gotta tell you, like therapy is so useful, because, you know, I try to bring a very calm demeanor and you do the same thing it’s like it grounds people in the moment because, you know, people can just settle in and not feel like they, you know, they have to do or prove anything. It's like, just be yourself, be yourself like my job is to help you to be yourself.
And that is so grounding in the moment. And, you know, I think little stuff like that, like maybe what you need is to stop judging everything. And comparing yourself all the time like, oh, the person's life is better than mine. You know, me sitting here cooking a meal is not good enough because someone else has this or has that or this like their life is so much better because of this. That's all taking you away from being present.
And the irony is that you're making yourself miserable. Nobody else is doing that to you but yourself. You know in so to be able to take ownership over that, and like we said before, notice the thoughts that are taking you away from being present. Jon Kabat Zinn says, develop a relationship become a friend to your mind, something like that, where you start to realize that oh, okay, and don't don't get mad at yourself for thinking this way. Everybody does it just be like, Okay, I don't like I said before, I don't need to be thinking like that, I'm gonna have a new attitude. You know, mindfulness is an attitude to me, it's like, well, the things that pulled me away from being present, my attitude towards that is, I don't need to worry about that. I'm not going to compare myself, I love my life, for what it is, I'm going to try to love minus myself and my life, you know what I have what's in front of me and to experience it, because only I can make myself present and happier by doing that. You know, nobody else can make me unhappy unless I make myself unhappy by pushing away the things that I can't have. And look, there's nuance to this. I don't want to dismiss people who have very terrible things happening in their life. And this is extremely hard to do, or maybe not the appropriate message for you right, there's nuances to it.
But you know, in general, when you can allow yourself to stop judging so much about why you shouldn't be in the situation you are in, that you will allow yourself to be in this. And this even goes for things you may not want to do like homework or a simple task, or doing the laundry or doing this or having to pick your kids up or do that.
Like maybe if you stop telling yourself, Oh, this is horrible. I don't want to be doing this. Everybody else is having more fun than me, or has a better life than me, right? When you allow yourself to just let those thoughts pass, don't engage with them don't, what I call jump on the train, right. And then the metaphor I use with my patients is, you got the T train, right in the Boston, we get the T train, right, you're on the platform, you're waiting for the train to come. There's all different lines, there's the B line, there's the C line, there's the D line, there's the E line, that's the green line, they all go in different places. But they all they all start in the same spot, right?
So if you're in Copley Square and you’re on the platform, maybe the B-line comes in, you know, let's call that a train of thought as a metaphor. There's a B-line this B-Line has a whole train of thought about like however you everyone else's life is better than yours.
That huge train of thought is coming by it stops the doors open. And you think to yourself, should I get on this train? Is this the right train for me? And if you don't actually take a moment, like you said, to stop and check yourself and say, Wait, is this the right train for me? You're just gonna jump on, and you're on that train and that train is going and you're not even thinking twice about it. And the whole day is going to be on that B-line.
Thinking about all, you know, no. Sorry, to use the beeline for Boston University Boston. College people are bringing me back to Austin, the people live in those communities that no, but well, how slowly Can you all right, which forces you to be mindful or frustrated? But But what I'm saying is like, use that as a metaphor, you're on the platform, the trains come and just ask yourself, Is this the train of thought I want to get on? Or can I step back and say what, oh, that's actually not my train, let me let it pass. And then before you know, it's gone, and it's not even in your awareness anymore, because it's just something you just you just let it pass, it's gone.
And all of a sudden, the next train line comes in the oh, this is my train line. This is where I can be present and accepting, and appreciate what's happening in the here and now and find new meaning around it to allow myself to be present. So that's a metaphor you can use, you know, so much of mindfulness is metaphors. And that's just one that, you know, kind of spontaneously came to me at some point, and probably other people came up with very similar ones. So it's not not like taking all this credit for it. But it's an idea.
Alexis Reid 53:41
I like that metaphor a lot. And to connect it to my work as well, that even if you do get on the wrong line, it just might actually take you a different path. It might take you a little longer, but you can still kind of get to where you're aiming for. And that's okay.
Gerald Reid: Yeah, life continues.
Alexis Reid: So I want to bring it back to a couple just, you know, we don't really like to boil things down just one or two things you could do. But I think from what we've talked about before, it's paying attention to the stuff that gets in the way of you being present. And sometimes that takes just a moment to pause. I always say can you just pause and take a breath, give yourself some space and room before you make a decision before you go to the next thing?
Because even that like one moment of mindfulness can transform your whole experience and potentially your day. And I recommend this a lot for educators, for parents and for adults, too. That before you transition to something new. Can you add in just like a moment of a breath. They can take all of a few seconds but doing that intentionally and paying attention to how do I feel when I just take that really deep breath to see how it feels in my body how it resets my brain to be more available and open to whatever comes next.
And ultimately, it might activate your executive function skills, people take on greater challenges, to be able to perform differently, to be able to show up differently for whatever you're doing. So that's probably if I were to boil it down to one thing that could be very helpful in any moment or experience to be more present and pay more attention. It's just to take that moment, and then it comes with you for free, wherever you go. You can pay attention to your breath.
But I want us to, to also recognize and acknowledge that presence is not always easy to achieve. It's hard to be with yourself, and it's hard to be with others fully. There's so many different factors and stimuli that can impact us. But it also may help us to recognize the things that we don't feel comfortable with; the things we don't necessarily love or find helpful to be able to make adjustments as we need to, if we want to, if that's where we're at in our lives. And…
Gerald Reid 56:02
It helps us to remember what we need. Yeah, right. And I'm sorry to interrupt you, we're just gonna get into them here. But just checking in, like, what do you need, maybe you're hungry, you're not paying attention to how your body feels. And you're not actually eating or using the bathroom, if you use the bathroom or sleeping, when your body is ready, as we talked about in the sleep episode with Dr. Wu.
Sorry to interrupt you, but or even emotionally what we're feeling you feeling lonely? Okay, maybe that means he needs something. Maybe you're feeling you know, this or that. So that's why checking in with your feelings is actually adaptive and helpful.
Alexis Reid 56:34
Yeah, and we'll talk more specifically about this too. But you know, a lot of times in our society, we go to our cell phones, and we go to our computers or our technology to quote unquote, like wind down and be present, but it actually oftentimes overstimulates us.
So you know, giving yourself that moment to say like, is this going to serve me? Well, what else do I need to be fully here? And is that actually the right thing for me to do right now, that's why pressing pause taking a step back, you know, talking to a therapist, friend, a trusted person in your life, who's going to show up non judgmentally, also. To be able to just like, slow it down a little bit. And to notice what's coming up for you.
So you can show up and be more present in a moment. And, you know, a lot of it is acceptance, acceptance of the fact that there's can be times of discordance and disorganization, and potentially chaos and really difficult struggles and suffering and other things that could get in our way that are just part of life.
But we can accept that those things are going to happen. But we can also acknowledge respect and appreciate that we can show up in a moment, and just be in it. And there's something really freeing and beautiful about that the eye of the storm. And it's really nice for us to come together to be present and have these conversations, and also acknowledge our distractions or our tangents that we can go on. Because we are connected in this moment by sharing this information and for talking through so many really important factors in life.
And we hope that this conversation, we hope that these ideas that we're sharing here, inspire you, or remind you to maybe just take a moment and take a pause, and to find a way that helps you to be more present and appreciate each moment and each day and the people and the things that we have the opportunity to interact with. So thanks, Jer, for the conversation. Definitely more to come on this topic.
Gerald Reid 58:35
Part 2, let’s go! I'll see in the future Lex.
Alexis Reid: Ha, yeah, see you then!
Gerald Reid
Thanks for tuning in to the Reid Connect-ED podcast. Please remember that this is a podcast intended to educate and share ideas, but it is not a substitute for professional care that may be beneficial to you at different points of your life. If you are needed support, please contact your primary care physician, local hospital, educational institution, or support staff at your place of employment to seek out referrals for what may be most helpful for you. ideas shared here have been shaped by many years of training, incredible mentors research theory, evidence based practices and our work with individuals over the years, but it's not intended to represent the opinions of those we work with or who we are affiliated with. The reconnected podcast is hosted by siblings Alexis Reid and Dr. Gerald Reid. Original music is written and recorded by Gerald Reid (www.Jerapy.com) recording was done by Cyber Sound Studios. If you want to follow along on this journey with us the Reid Connect-ED podcast. we'll be releasing new episodes every two weeks each season so please subscribe for updates and notifications. Feel free to also follow us on Instagram @ReidConnectEdPodcast that's @ReidconnectEdPodcast and Twitter @ReidconnectEd. We are grateful for you joining us and we look forward to future episodes. In the meanwhile be curious, be open, and be well.
In a world that is constantly moving and changing, in our minds that are frequently planning or worrying, how do we learn to live in the present moment? In this episode we honor the ancient wisdom that has led us to better understand what it means to be present. Dr. Reid and Alexis will discuss how anxiety and executive function can impact present moment living. Get comfortable, find what you need, and be present as you take what helps you from this episode on finding and experiencing presence.
Be curious. Be Open. Be well.
The ReidConnect-Ed Podcast is hosted by Siblings Alexis Reid and Dr. Gerald Reid, produced by and original music is written and recorded by www.Jerapy.com
*Please note that different practitioners may have different opinions- this is our perspective and is intended to educate you on what may be possible.
