S5 E6: Tommy's Place - A Healing Space to Cope w/Pediatric Cancer

Mental Health

Nov 26

Listen Now!

Tommy’s Place Foundation, Inc., aka "Tommy's Place", is a Massachusetts-based nonprofit corporation that owns and operates year-round magical vacation homes for kids fighting cancer in Falmouth, MA, and Centerville, MA, on Cape Cod. One family at a time, along with their extended family and friends, visits one of our two 10+ bedroom homes for one week, free of charge, dream vacation to relax, make memories, and most importantly, have FUN! Tommy's Place is open to kids aged 3-17 who are actively in treatment and living permanently and full time in New England. Tommy's Place serves 104 families yearly at our two magical vacation homes on Cape Cod in Falmouth and Centerville. Tommy's Place receives guest referrals from 10 major childhood cancer hospitals throughout New England. The first Tommy's in Falmouth officially opened to guests in July of 2021 and has been at 100% occupancy ever since.
(To see more frequent updates of Tommy's Place stories and photos, please visit us onFacebook, Instagram and Twitter @tommysplacekids)
Tommy's Place Foundation, Inc. is a registered 501 (c)(3), non-profit organization.
All donations are tax-deductible to the extent allowed by law.
Tommy's Place in Falmouth
501C3 EIN: 83-1069410
- Tim had a vision of creating a home on Cape Cod, Massachusetts where families of kids undergoing cancer treatment could spend a full week, free of charge, in a home that is meant for connection and fun.
- Although he had the vision, it was one of the most difficult things he has had to do in his life because it’s basically giving away something that is free. He needed resources. He believed so strongly in the vision and never gave up.
- “If not me, who, if not now, when?” he would ask himself when doing his best to take the first step to purchase the Falmouth, MA home that would have otherwise become someone else’s investment for a new development of homes.
- It took 2018-2021 to turn the vision into a reality. He had to go meet people one at a time. Even though his vision did not make financial sense, he built upon organic relationships whenever someone resonated with his vision. He felt the passion to try really hard even if he would fail in the end.
- The volunteers get a lot out of helping the mission of Tommy’s Place. It is a very meaningful experience for everyone. It is a community that embraces all volunteers.
- Tim created a system that is consistent and does not move beyond his boundaries so that the vision can be sustained over the long-run and create the type of experience he hopes the families will have. Tim allows the families to make vacation mean whatever they want it to mean by not interfering with how they utilize the house.
- This has been one of the hardest things Tim has done in his life but he feels it’s been one of the most meaningful and enjoyable things he’s ever experienced hearing about the stories of the families. Every day he feels as though he is making a real, tangible impact for other people.
- Families share stories about genuine connection and fun they have at Tommy’s Place that often goes to the wayside for not only the child undergoing treatment but also for their entire support system. The families can invite whoever they want to stay, up to 18 people.
- Tim continues to rely on donations, even in small forms like lemonade stands in coordination with a local Cape Cod bank, Rockland Trust, which has actually led to very large accumulations of money for the organization.
- Physicians who refer families to Tommy’s Place have suggested that this vacation is part of the healing process for children and families.
- Tim wishes he could do more if he had more funds, as there are children who do not make it while on their waitlist to spend a week’s vacation at Tommy’s Place. Financial donations are what allow this organization to keep running to serve these families.
Gerald Reid 00:16
Music. Welcome back to season five of the ReidConnect-ED podcast. When we go through the hardest times in life, how do we get some space to psychologically and emotionally recover when we're faced with a reality that shocks our system and shakes the very foundation of our lives; how do we cope? How do we regain a sense of peace, of joy, of connection? As we often say on this podcast, there is rarely one thing that will help every single person. It's very nuanced, individualized, contextual and oftentimes a process that unfolds over time. In this episode, we're going to be joined by Tim O'Connell, who founded Tommy’s Place on Cape Cod, Massachusetts. This organization is a beacon of light for families going through immense pain, in the case of children undergoing cancer treatment. Tommy’s Place Foundation, Incorporated aka Tommy’s Place, is a Massachusetts based nonprofit corporation for kids fighting cancer in Falmouth, Massachusetts and Centerville, Massachusetts, on Cape Cod. One family at a time, along with their extended family and friends, visits one of their two 10-plus bedroom homes for one week free of charge, a dream vacation to relax, make memories, and, most importantly, have fun. Tommy’s Place is open to kids aged three through 17, actively engaged in treatment and living permanently and full time in New England. Tommy’s Place serves 104 families per year at their two magical vacation homes on Cape Cod in Falmouth and Centerville. Tommy’s Place receives guest referrals from 10 major childhood cancer hospitals throughout New England. The first Tommy’s Place house in Falmouth officially opened to guests in July of 2021 and has been at 100% occupancy ever since.
We are so happy to have Tim O'Connell, the founder of Tommy’s Place, here with us today in Boston, Massachusetts, and we are just thrilled to be able to shine a light on what good you're doing for these families and these children, and we're really grateful that you're here with us. I know you don't do many interviews or really want to be in the public eye, and you know we respect your humility and your grace that you really want to give to these families, and we hope that that you as a model, as a role model, can exemplify, you know, what we can do in the community to help people. When a lot of times we can feel things are out of control, or life is out of control, that maybe human to human, person to person, we can try to make a difference for each other. So thank you, Tim, for joining us.
Tim O’Connell
02:57
Yeah, thank you very much for having me. I appreciate it.
Gerald Reid
03:00
So Alexis, you know, where should we start with this interview? There's so much ground to cover in terms of what they're doing for the families. But we also want to get to know Tim, you know, as an individual. Because, you know, good things can happen from an individual. Good things can happen from a good heart, from a good place. And you know, where do you think we should start?
Alexis Reid
03:18
You know, it's so interesting. I think about this all the time. I'm currently teaching a child growth and development class at Merrimac College, and you know, I'm working with the students to help them understand how there's so many different impacts that children can have on their lives. And this is like for families and for individuals, sometimes something that feels so catastrophic, that is sometimes so unpredictable that happens, and like Jerry said in the introduction, it really shakes up their lives. And I have so many questions for you, but I want to start with this idea of, you know, going back to the reason why you started this organization, and how we got to this place that you're able to touch and support the lives of so many going through this really difficult time in their lives.
Tim O’Connell
04:10
Yeah, so I the I was always a giving type of person, kind of behind the scenes. So was everything was always done anonymously with me, and I was giving to different organizations. And it was always around that giving season, which drives me crazy, which is November and December, when everybody gives. And I was always like this, you know, there's another 10 months.
Alexis: It's like Valentine's Day. Love all the time. Yeah.
Tim O’Connell
04:43
So I said, you know, like, what happened with the beginnings of Tommy’s Place? It was interesting. Just this week, I was thinking about something else that somebody; some kindness that someone else showed me, and I didn't even realize that that was maybe something that triggered me a little bit too. But somebody randomly asked me, I was over in Martha's Vineyard, of all places, and didn't have a place to stay. Was just over there hanging out with a friend of mine. And, you know, I met this this guy, and he was like, So where are you guys staying? And I'm like, don't really have a place to stay, you know. And he's like, you don't? I'm like, No. You just came over and I have no place to stay. And I said, Yeah, well, you can stay in my house, right? And I thought that was like, This guy's talking to strangers, basically, you know. And, and he let us stay in his house. And I was like, geez, you know, that's pretty cool of someone to do that with a stranger.
And then fast forward a little bit further. I eventually bought a house on Martha's Vineyard, and it randomly, I would rent the I would I would rent out the house, and, you know, here and there, I would let people use it and things like that. And at the last minute, somebody canceled out a week on me, and rather than give it to my family and friends, something made me drive; it was a hot August day, and I remember, and I drove into the Floating Hospital in Boston, and something just made me go in there. And I hate the hospital like but I had some familiarity trying to help people out during Christmas time. So I went in there, and I made up this little flyer, and I had my picture with my house on there, and I said, Do you think someone in here might want to use this house? And they were like, Are you sure? And I'm like, Yeah, I know where I am, you know, because they're an inner-city hospital, and this was a house that, at the time, it was renting out for $18,000 a week, you know. And I just, I said, Yeah, I know, you know. So they, they ended up finding a family. They called me on my way homes, like we found a family. And I said, alright, well, let them know they can bring their family and friends and and there's six, six or seven bedrooms in there, and they can just load it up, and it's 100% free; but before I left, the last thing I said was, this is 100% anonymous. I don't want my name involved with anything here. I'm just, I just want them to go over there and have some fun. That's it, you know. And it ended up being a family from Lynn, and they had four kids, and their youngest was the he was an eight year old boy. His name was Griffin, and he was the one that was fighting at the time. And I was just, I was amazed. But by, you know, this family, like, I found out some things from them, like after the fact, but they stayed there, and we took care of meals, took care of their transportation, just everything, you know, but all done behind the scenes. It was just like, and then they left, and then my life went on. So I thought, you know, so I'm like, the next person came in, and we, you know, continued on with the cleaning people. And then they come in. And then it was two weeks later, I would say that the hospital called me again and and they said, the family that stayed left letters and photos here at the hospital, and they want you to have them. I'm like, Really, like your family and friends don't leave your photos and letters, you know? And they leave you like they they're more or less going to complain about something that is going on now.
Alexis Reid: How much the meals are on island. This is too expensive.
Tim O’Connell
Yeah, everything we know. So I read these letters, and they were addressed to Mr. Anonymous, and one was from the mom, and she was talking about her son and how grateful she was. It was said it was the first time I've seen him smile. And so long, and it was just, it was amazing, and she was so grateful. And then there was a second letter from the grandmother about her daughter, the little boy's mom, and she was writing the same things, my daughter hasn't smiled in so long. You have no idea what you did for our family. And and then I saw this stack of photos, and I was like, Oh, look at all these people that having fun. You know, they're in this tragic situation, but there was smiles going on. And, you know, the last thing that the mom said in the letter was, I hope to do the same for another family someday. That was just emblazoned in my head. And I'm like, this lady is going through all this stuff, and she's thinking about other people, how she can help them. And I said, Wow. So I said, Wow, if those people are that grateful, There must be hundreds of families out there that would appreciate this opportunity. So that's kind of what sparked me. I said, Well, these people are grateful and they're appreciative, which I think are two of the biggest words that we have in our language, you know. And then a lot of people don't really get it. I don't think so. If we have something to me, we should just give it, you know, like, why can't we just give it all the time? That's, I wish I had so much more, because I would give so much more if I could. It's just, it's a natural thing that's kind of a sickness that you have, I think sometimes too, but it's not a bad one. You know, I can be harmful. But, um, yeah, so that was in my head, and I said, you know, one day I want to make this place that's this magical place. It's open year-round, and kids are just going to be able to come in here and have fun. Because what happens on January, you know second? What happens on December 26; what happens after Thanksgiving? What you know, like kids are sick every day. 24/7 365, they're sick. That's not like there's a day off. And so I wanted to make sure that the place would be a destination, that they could come there, and just no matter what time of year it was, they could get out of their situation, even if they lived across the street, it wasn't their environment they were in, get them away from doctor's office and hospitals and things like that. So anyway, that that was in my head, and over the years, I let other people stay in my house, but it to me, it was never enough. And I started looking at properties, but it never makes sense. You could never in a million years make sense out of like, I want to make this thing. It's free. It's like, you know, you need a piece of real estate that's big, and then you got to make it free. And how does this work?
It's so one day I was, I was I had been kicking tires at this one property in Falmouth forever, and I knew the place like the back of my hand that I would call the broker up all the time, and I would watch every time I went under agreement, and then the deal would fall apart, and I'll be like, yes. So I so I hadn't heard for a little while, and I saw this one guy was getting serious, and he was going through these different boards and all this other stuff. But then I didn't hear anything. So I called, and she's like, Tim, you know where the key is. Every time I would go into this house, it would get 10 times worse than it was before the water was pouring through the ceilings, and it was just terrible. But I was driving in my car, and I said, Wouldn't this be a shame if I just kept this to myself, and I I never told anybody. And you know, there's never going to be a good time, and for it, it's never going to make sense. So I just, I literally said to myself, If not me, who, and if not now when? And I drove to the cape, and I, I ended up sitting with the seller and the broker and and that was an interesting conversation, because he was looking, because he was looking to get rich. Every developer that came in there was gonna make especially on the Cape, yeah, they're gonna make them rich. They're gonna tear down this whole property, and they're gonna build condos. Everybody's gonna get rich, you know? And I went in with a different approach, yeah, like, I love your property as much as it's falling apart. And I said, I promise you that this place will look the same as it did years ago, and you could come here in 50 years, it's going to still look the same as it does now. I'm just going to fix it up, and I want to, you know, and then I told him what my idea was, and and then I slid my little yellow piece of paper across the table, [Alexis: something for a movie.] Yeah? So, like, he was originally asking, like, one to…and I think I was, when I was there that day, it was probably 800,000 and my number, you know, he was so excited what I was doing, yeah, until he saw my little piece of paper, and I saw his face, and I'm like, is something wrong?
[Alexis: Let me tell you again what I'm doing.]
13:27
He said, he's like, that number, and I said, I said, it's okay. What would you and I wrote, 475, that's how much it was off. I would he very originally was, but I promised him. I said, I'm not going to tort you, I promise you. I just need a little time. I asked for four months, and I should’ve ask for six months, because I thought it was like just an easy thing. But anyway, he he said. I said, Well, what would make you happy, you know? And he just, he said, would be nice if it had a five in front of it. So I pulled it back, and I crossed it out, and I wrote 500 and I pushed it back and he put his hand out. [Oh, wow. Oh, wow.] And that is it, you know. And I said, I promise you that I will close on this property in four months. So I thought, all I have to do is, come on, gofund me. Yeah. You know, it's interesting.
You know, kids with cancer, like, who doesn't want to give to that? Like, and it's a vacation home for kids that are fighting cancer. Like, hello. That's easy. Yeah, all these other things that people do when they and they raise hundreds of 1000s, millions of dollars and all that. So to this day, I think the campaign is still up. I really never took it down. But to this day, we've never hit 100,000 [Wow. Oh my gosh, yeah.] So I was, like, it was getting down to crunch time, less than a month away, and I ended up um…I built houses, and that's what I was, a developer and things like that. And I built some houses for a family, and I went over and asked them… I called them up and I said, Hey, can I come up and see, you know, like, is something wrong? And I said, No, because I'd never been near where they live or anything like that. And I drove up and saw them, told them about my, my awesome idea. Yeah, you know, to me, it was awesome. But, yeah, but anyway, they, they said, We like it, whatever. Well, we're gonna talk to our family and we'll call you back. So I drove home, and I don't know where this is going, and I got to close on this property in a few weeks, and yeah, they called me back, and they they said, you know, we like what you're doing. And I told them, I said, I have no money. I can't give you a down payment, and I can't pay you monthly, but I promise you that I'll pay you back. That's all I went on. And you can't go to the bank with this program. But anyway, they ended up saying yes, and they gave me this, this loan, and that was the beginning of it in 2018 but it took three very long years to open those doors from 2018 to 2021.
And lot lots of staring up at the ceiling going like, how's this gonna work? Because it doesn't just, it just doesn't work. I didn't know anybody down in Falmouth. Even though I grew up in Falmouth and North Falmouth area, I didn't really know anybody. And I literally had to go and meet people one at a time. It's just like coming here and seeing you guys today. Maybe somebody gets something out of this today, and maybe it resonates with them, and maybe it doesn't, but that's how I that's literally how I do it. I just, I'm always trying to connect dots with people, and if it means something to you, it means something to me. And hopefully, you know, we can do something, and lots of times you might not be able to write a check, but, you know, somebody else that might be able to do something on their end, but that's really the beginning of it. And there was a lot of stuff in those three years that a lot of painful things going on in there, but like we were talking previously, you know, even during the pandemic, changed a lot of people, I think, for for the good. So anyway, that's my that's a real cliff note version of kind of how it started that way.
Alexis Reid
17:10
That's incredible, and I'll speak for myself, but I'm a big proponent of when you do good with the right intentions, in the right way, in with the right process, the right things usually come. It doesn't always happen that way. But you know, your persistence, your motivation behind this is amazing. I didn't know this part of the story. I'm so glad you shared it. Thank you.
Tim O’Connell
17:35
Yeah, and I'll tell you the one of the very first people that I met, I went and met some people on a board, and one of the guys grabbed me, and he says, Hey, I'm gonna introduce it to so and so and this guy that brought me. So he sits down there like my biggest cheerleader. I didn't even have to say I only met this guy once. And so he says to the guy, after he's all done, he goes, so what do you think? And he goes, that'll never work. [Gerald: What do you think he meant by work?] Because I think his biggest thing was, there's so many people vying, you know, for everybody's attention and everybody's dollars and things like that that that, you know that that's not going to work. You just, that he's looking at it from a financial perspective, right? And he's saying that's not a viable business, you know? And okay, and then, you know, the second guy I went and told the same thing to was like, and he said the same exact words to me, two people might feel like my first two people. And I was like, Okay, you're the wrong people. You know, I didn't change one thing. Well, I said I'm not listening to them and saying everything and I'm doing what we're doing is wrong. I mean, I'm going to find people that say that it's that they like it. And I'd never veered off of my path of I believe this, and I believe that there's other people out there that believe this too, you know.
Alexis Reid
19:05
I think it's interesting, because I think from a business perspective, it probably doesn't work. You're not making any money.
Tim O’Connell
19:11
Yeah, it makes really no sense. You can't go to the bank with it. You can, you know, the things that have happened organically, I think some of the things that we might want to talk about is just the way people are. You can't say that all these people are going to come out and want to donate things, and then there's going to be the people that are going to write these big checks, and then you're going to see what's next is all these people are going to volunteer, and then all these people are going to hold all these events. Can you imagine this, writing this, up, down, someone, go, this guy's really whacked, you know, like it doesn't, it doesn't, it just doesn't work like that. And you normally, as a, as a real estate developer, I go, here's my plan. I go into the bank. Here's, I need your money, and then this is, I'm going to pay you back. And um I just thought that, well, I'm going to pay them back first, and then I'm going to build the house. Just didn't work like that. But, you know, the pandemic came along, and people's attention went everywhere else, but there. But once everybody knew that they were still alive and feeling good, then it's like, I think things changed, which ended up helping us, but, yeah, it's I; you know, I just have this mindset that, like, if I want something, I'm gonna go for it, and just, it's, I'm getting it, and that's it, you know, like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna fail, you know, if I fail, like I'm gonna really try really hard before there's the F word.
Alexis Reid
20:40
Yeah, yeah. Well, there's, there's this quote. Actually, our cousin is on tour as a musician, and he was in Europe, and he there was, like, a quote on a bathroom stall. I think he posted something and said, like, fail well and try again.
Tim O’Connell
20:55
Yeah, have to try.
Alexis: This is, like, one of the most inspirational stories I've ever heard.
Gerald Reid
21:00
Tim, let me, can I ask you this question about just the process that you went through? Because, you know, however people help other people, and maybe this can inspire people just to find unique ways to help, because at the end of the day, we're human species, and we live in communities, and we can support each other in a lot of different ways. And hopefully, you know, there's, there's different ways to do it. You're one example. But when you had a vision for this, and you're going through these ups and downs of trying to actualize your vision, could you, like, see it in your mind? You know, when you're looking up at the ceiling, as you said, night after night, like, Could you see what you were hoping would happen and…
Tim O’Connell
21:40
Oh yes, yeah. So that's one of the biggest things. Even when I was building I would go so fast because I couldn't wait to get the to the creative part of finishing those i the whole process to get there was like, just let me get there, because I already see it and I'm and it's already done. I just got to just finish it now. And this, this particular thing, I literally walk into this house and that's like, the stuffs caving in all around it. But I'm like, Oh, this could go over here, and this could go over there, and that can go over there, and I'm going to move this over here, but at the end of the day, I'm going to preserve a lot of this stuff, because it's really about getting the family together down on the first floor, really was what it was about, and it's about the backyard, and it's, it's like I already knew what it was going to be, and that's what was very tough for me. Because normally I just, I can just go right at it. And this, I had to wait. And if you ever told me it was going to take me three years, I was never on a job site, literally, for the most I was ever on a job site with just under four months. So I was like, this is a long. Like someone said, hey, it's gonna take you three years. And I would have said, No, I'm not gonna do that. [Gerald: And when it's taking three years, you don't even know if it's gonna take more years than that because your mind can assume it will be worse]. Yeah, so what does what ended up happening was over two years in now, and pandemics here, and I start scratching my head; you know, because I always believe that if I put this word out there, that people are going to help me. I just believed it so strongly that people are going to want to donate whatever, whatever it is that's all coming, you know, one way or another. And you know, because it was two years in, and I'm like, I called people in the vineyard that had done work for me, and I'm like, You guys doing anything right now? And they said, we have a little break. So I'm like, can you come over and help? And I had to pay them for their help. They gave me a break off of their labor or whatever. But they literally went back and forth on the boat every day. And I've asked this woman that I met in the board meeting, she had a hotel. I'm like, does any way some of these guys can stay there. This is the beginning of me asking something, because I didn't want to ask anybody anything, and she let some of the guys stay there and and it just, you know, just one thing led to another, and that whole thing just kind of snowballs from there, in a way that it, it's, it's mind blowing, really, and it's really like, like, it's really one person going to the next person talking to the next person. I had no experience in this field of fundraising or the nonprofit world. I was, like, struggling to do a nonprofit. I didn't want to be doing nonprofit because it's a lot of work being in the nonprofit world. And finally, like, I realized about five or six months in that it's like you have to be in that world, you know. So,
yeah, it's staring at that ceiling. Was a, you know, is really helpful. And I just said, I'm just, I'm just going for it. That was my one last chance. Because I knew it was over, I was I was out of money, and I'm like, I have to just go for it; Go for it. And these guys came in. We ripped the house apart and just got the shell ready. And I had been bringing people in there, because they would find out about it, and they would just get horrified. And lots of these wives, the women are amazing, right? Because they would go, and they get, get so excited, and then they bring their husband. So I'm like, but I started posting stuff on Facebook of the work we were doing, and next thing you know, like, one guy came walking down the street, and he and it's pouring rain out, and he handed me this envelope, and I was outside standing on this mounted dirt, and we were digging up stuff and and I just said, he's like, I like, what you're doing. And I just put it in my pocket because it's pouring rain out. And I and then I drove all the way back to Quincy, and I then I opened it up because it's wet and I'm like, there's a check for 25,000 bucks. [Wow, oh my God.] And I was like, Oh my God. Like, and then from there, it was like, I swear every time that it started to rain out, it was 25,000 it was 50,000 it was 100,000 and then people would even be on Facebook, and they'd be like, Tim, it's raining, [Alexis: yeah, I was gonna say, let's let it rain some more.] And the rain is never, you know, like, you know, in in my world, the rains always was a problem. And that flipped. It became the rain became a good thing. And, you know, continues to this day that good things are happening when it's raining out. So, yeah, so that you know the that it was really frustrating for me to stand there for all that time knowing what what this was going to be, and the people helping, they didn't know. They were just listening to me. They had no clue they have. They were helping me build the place, and they were donating money. They didn't know. They had no idea what they were doing. And I know that, and that's what I'm so grateful that they gave anyways, because now they, you know, and that's one of the reasons that I post things publicly, is because, hey, look what you did, not me, look what you did, you know, because you're the one that makes this happen, you know, you gave $1 you know that that helps us turn the light on, you know. So it's like, if you didn't step up in some way, you know, this doesn't happen, you know. And that's what's been incredible for me, just to watch people and watch their excitement and listen to their stories of why they want to help.
There was lots of people that came forward just because they were; they had good things going on in their life. Their kids were healthy. Many more came forward that lost people, you know, and I find most of these that we have amazing stories of volunteers that are in our house right now that come like every Sunday and help us clean, and there's so much tragedy, and they're in there helping us every week. And I can, I mean, I, I know how many of them, I just hear these little stories. It's like, I lost my son, I lost my daughter. I lost you know, somebody you know, and they're there because of tragedy, but it makes them feel good to be able to help, because now they see, you know, on on when I post something, then like they see it.
You know, none of us knows what goes on inside those doors. You know, really strict that nobody goes in there. Well, people are on vacation, and, you know, we greet them, and they go for a tour, and we close the door, and that's your place. And now you do a vacation. How you want to do a vacation? No one's getting in your way. There's no There's no restrictions on anything you do when you're in there. And you know the this is a dream that I had, but at the same time, how do I know that somebody else is gonna think that it's cool, or think that this is fun, or want to do it? And you know, the very first family that actually stayed over, it was like the second night in, and the mom texted me, and she's like, Tim, I hope you're gonna keep this place open year round, because my kids won't leave the house. That's July of 21’ Oh, my God, you know. And it's 85 degrees out, and she couldn't get her kids to go outside. So that's become a normal occurrence. And why people are coming to the Cape Cod in December, January, February, March, you know when Cape Cod’s July and August, you know, or you know you got the shoulder seasons, but you know, it's become a destination. You have no clue that; I had no clue. That's why I always thank people that come there. They're like, Why are you thanking us? I'm like, I'm I'm grateful that you came. Yeah, you didn't have to come here. You know you really didn't, and so I'm grateful every single week that somebody comes there, especially now, you know, it's November, it's December, it's gonna gets cold, it's can be snowing up, but we've literally never had a week vacant there. And I think we're probably up to 250 straight families right now between the two houses. So, yeah, and you don't, you don't know, and it's, I was thinking about that when I was driving here today, and I was like, it's, that's a lot. That's a there's been a lot going on, you know?
But I get, I get these nice notes from a family. I posted one today that was just, it epitomizes what I dreamt of. And I wrote that because I always thought that even if you live directly across the street from there, that when you come through this door, you left your environment. You've left the doctor's office, and you've left the hospital, and you've left all your misery, and you get to be in here with your friends and your family, and you are just here to have fun. That's it. That's it. And it's become a family thing. And people say to me, it's like 1011, bedrooms. Like, why do you need a place that big? And I said, Well, there's a lot of people to me, I just thought that families would want to give back to people that are helping them through this. They could never in their entire life pay anybody back for all the things that people do for them and and I find that that's what what's happening was just a guess. And sometimes people have invited their whole street, you know, not necessarily their family, because it's their street that's been there for them, you know, [their neighbors], yeah, and you don't have to invite you know, uncle, so and so, there's no parameters. You can invite whoever you want. So it's not like a holiday where you feel obligated to invite this person. No, it's Tommy’s Place is not about that. Tommy’s Place is about surrounding yourself with your your nucleus and your support system, everybody that's there. And you know, some of them just invite, just all the kid’s friends, you know. But the real thing is, you know, in what happened to me in the beginning, the first few weeks I was I'm crying as the family's coming in, and then I'm seeing them going out, and I'm crying on the way out. And I remember sitting in my car one day driving home and I'm crying. I'm like, what? I just waited 14 years for this [to cry], yeah, because I was like, I always did everything anonymously. So next thing you know, I'm connected to this situation. And you know, there were happy tears coming in, and most of the time was like, watching their kids, like, my god, running around and being screaming and yelling and being happy. So they're watching other family members that they couldn't give back to during this whole thing, because kids get neglected, and it's not on purpose. And so I learned over time to start embracing that, and it's gotten way better for me. So like, it's, it's totally good now, but it was hard in the beginning, like, This is crazy. Like, oh my god, this is what I waited for, because you have no idea, like, how it's going to impact you.
And you know it's but now it's all good. It's just, it's, it's great to read these stories of what it means to families. And the family that just wrote the thing that I posted today was from the cape, and I remember the family from the Cape, and they said, we already live on the Cape. I'm like, oh my god, they don't get it. They don't get it, you know, yeah, I finally it was, it was, it was a good thing. But they, they wanted to give back, and they ended up giving back. And this young girl was fighting at the time, but then she got better. So when she was giving back to us, I said, Hey, you guys got to come and see those before is even open, you know, as a new one in Centerville. And she came in and, and I was like, and I saw her face, she's looking around. And I'm like, I tried to tell you, you know, but I said, now you're not allowed to come because you're good, you know.
So, so that's been good, but yeah, it's really those multiple bedrooms allow for we sleep up to 18 people a night, and we encourage them to fill the bedrooms. And there'll be lots of times. It's funny, they'll come there on Sunday because they're not really paying attention. There's so much stuff going on in their life, and next thing you know, somebody will be drifting off and they're on their phone and they're calling, they're like, Hey, you gotta come here, you know? I'm like, they're like, can we fill these bed? I'm like, yeah, yes, please fill the bedrooms. Yeah. And people are so respectful. It's, it's unbelievable. The houses are in tremendous shape. Even, you know, a normal house in the Cape gets beat up after seven or eight weeks during the summer, and we're 52 weeks with 18 people a night and allowed, you know, and the houses are in beautiful shape, like brand new. And it's, it's a tribute to the people that come there, and it's a tribute to people that help us all the time, maintain it, and people take pride in that part of it, being able to help. And make this experience possible for these families. So, and they get to see it, I watch some of the people that help us, and I see them commenting and things like that. So it's, it's fun, you know, it's like, look what I did. And there's lots of people. It's like, hey, look, we make that possible, you know, for that family. So it's, it's, it is.
It's pretty amazing to to watch and listen, and, you know, to watch a dream. And I wrote that today. It's like, you I'm watching a dream come true in real time. And, you know, lots of times you can dream about things, and, you know, like Walt Disney. I would always post quotes about Walt Disney, because it was always talking about dreams, you know. And it's like, and Walt Disney actually stayed in the house that we have in Centerville, believe it or not. No way someone told me that after I bought it, but yeah, yeah. So there's magic things happen, yeah, [what a coincidence], yeah, it's amazing. So, you know, and we have a Disney room there that would that I made had nothing to do with knowing that he stayed in the house and yeah, Mickey and Minnie greet everybody when they come in. [Oh, my God,] I found out this after Do you know this? I'm like, not, no, you know. So it's like, wow, yeah. So [it's meant to be,] yeah. So I'm very grateful for, you know, everybody that that continues to come forward and, and there's like, a million ways that you can help. I always tell people like, and you guys know, people say, I don't have money, I don't like, well, oh, you have money. So you can help people like, you can help people. And anytime you want, just smile at somebody, say, Hi, it's free, you know, it's it's free for you to tell somebody else, Hey, I can't help but you might be able to help them over there and you know, and maybe that story resonates with somebody else. And all you did was make a free introduction to somebody, you know. And now you just made a great assist, you know. So fortunately, that's been going on now for since it's and it's hard to say that to think about it's 2018 so it's going to be going on seven years that I've been doing this with the house open in July of 21’. So it's been a it's already been a long time. It's hard to believe but, but still grateful every day.
Alexis Reid
37:20
You know, I'm grateful you asked for help, because that's sometimes the hardest thing to do. It's been thing to do, especially when you have this vision that maybe not everybody's connected to or understands.
Tim O’Connell
37:27
I realized at one point I said I was trying to first I needed to get Tommy Leonard's I wanted to name the place after Tommy Leonard down the Cape.
Alexis: That’s the other thing I was going to say too is that it's not called Tim's place, right? Like, the humility is real
Tim O’Connell
37:47
Like coming here is a big thing, like, I, I don't. It's not about me, and it never will be about me, because people, they call me Tommy all the time. Like, no, I would never name something after myself. But I was like Tommy; first I asked Griffin's mom, who I never met. 14 years later, the very first time I met her, she came and helped me and bring the first family into the house. 14 years later, the family came. So it was all like, it was just amazing for that stuff, but just just t… every day, something good happens. I tell people, like in the real estate world, like, you wake up and you know it's gonna be a bad day most of the time, because there's always people fighting about something [Alexis: you know could always predict that something maybe not so great, might something's gonna emerge maybe], yeah. And then in in this world, I tell people, I wake up every day knowing it's gonna be a good day. Yeah, I know something's good gonna happen, you know? So that's that's a whole different it's a whole different mindset that you used to and you become more relaxed, and you get let down like any time, but it's a different let down. You get let down by people that you would expect something else out of.
But then I realized, okay, it just because I found that the people that give the most are the ones that kind of have the least. People coming forward to me giving lots money, that didn't have any money, well, yeah, and the people that had a lot of money that you'd know it's like, oh, call this one not always. No.
Alexis Reid
39:40
Well, it's interesting. I think, I think we have the mentality to make that choice of like, am I going to wake up and, you know, take on a good day, right? How is my mindset going to be? Or am I going to focus on the stuff that's going to inevitably come up that could paint the world and the experience negatively? And it's so beautiful to hear that like you actually can expect that because of all that you've given and what you've done to establish Tommy’s Place, to give back to these families, like, you know that there's going to be something good that comes from it, yeah, because of what you've established and and how you've set up this, like, ongoing, amazing organization, to be able to, like, bring some joy to individuals who are just really in it and maybe don't take those moments and opportunities to find the joy in their world because of their circumstances.
Tim O’Connell
40:30
Yeah, there's always something going on that we could always focus on, something negative. Any day we wake up and it's, it's, it's probably more difficult to focus on the positive part, because it's like you got this thing nagging at you somewhere else, you know. But I think we all have the ability to to look past that, but there's a lot of people that can't, you know. And no matter how good they have it, they can't see it. And that's, that's, you know, that's frustrating. And I'm like, Hey, you could do this or you could do that, but they can't, and couldn't see that in 5 million years.
Gerald Reid
41:10
Well, first of all, just to validate everything you're saying, we're so appreciative that you're sharing all this about yourself and about the process, and I hope it inspires people, and I love how you're giving the families the autonomy to have fun in their own way. I think that's really respectful of you, to not kind of force how they should have fun. I really like that part of it.
Tim O’Connell
41:30
Yeah. I just think that everybody has their own ideas of what they think a vacation is. So lots of people want to give different things to us, and I have to tell them that we're 100% hands off when someone's in the house, and unless we can get 52 of something from someone, then we don't accept it, because I don't want you coming in there and saying, Hey, we got the free plane ride. So if the guy with the plane calls me, I said, Can you do that 52 times? And you know, some some people will step up. I had somebody offer us some iPads, and I said this. I said, this is tough, you know, because it's another nonprofit. And I just said, Well, I can't give one iPad away to somebody. I can't give five away to somebody, because then the sixth person is going person is going to come in here and say, who has my iPad? She's like, Okay, let me call you back. And she calls me back the next day. She's like, what's the address that I can ship these to? And I'm like, I don't want 52 iPads. So she she sent me this, this little envelope, but that we surprised the family with, and we would give away the the iPads, you know.
So, like, it's, that's the tough part, because the one offs, the one offs are nice, but the one offs aren't going to help Tommy’s Place be a sustainable operation, you know. And we can't pay NStar or national grid or Eversource, whoever it is, with donuts and ice cream cones and things like that, you know. So it's like, I have these tough conversations with people all the time, and I just, I have to come out and I tell people, I said, Look, I'm gonna be I'm gonna have to get uncomfortable right here and just tell you, because somebody wants to give us 52 of something. And I said, Well, you can give us 52 of something, but we also need a financial donation to go along with it. They're like, we're gonna, we're gonna give you something that's worth $15,000 and I said, well, that really doesn't help us. [Gerald: Yeah, right. You already have a system for]. So I said, I won't be able to give that to somebody at the door if nobody's at the door next Sunday because we weren't able to pay our bills. Yeah? So I said, we'll take that, but if you guys could give us a contribution, but that that now we have a win, win all around for everybody. You know, family's coming in. You're helping Tommy’s Place. And the, you know, the families can come to visit you guys, and whatever it is, you know. So I, you know, when someone's telling you, hey, that'll never work. You know, there's a there's there's a reason it's a business. And you know, at the end of the day, it's a business, and it has to be run like a business.
And I, you know, everybody that volunteers for us, and we have some strong volunteer members that are in the houses now, and they see it. I was in Centerville. I was, I was hoping that I could transition between places with, you know, within a few months. But I, I was in Centerville for more than a year working with our team there, so they understood what Tommy’s Place is and what's important to me. Because I always say, you know, if I get hit by a bus like, I want to know that this place is here. It's important to me that this place is here, and you guys all understand how it works, you know? And what's important when a family walks through that door, our number one goal, and I tell everybody, it's, you know, we don't have Julie McCoy there, we don't have a concierge service. We don't have anything like that. It's, we want to make a five star hotel experience when they walk through that door, you know. So there's towels on the beds, and every thing that they could even think of is in that house. And it's all working, and it's and it's all it's; things are in great shape, and that's what's important to me, where our business is, to make this house nice so that these people can have a worry free vacation. You know, the lights work, the door works, this work, the TV Turns On, that stuff is good, the pool’s working, the grounds are maintained. You know, that's, that's us so that, and that's.
I tell people, you know, dealing with $20,000 a week client is easier than dealing with this free client. And they're like, Look at me. And I'm like, I said, because the $20,000 a week client is going to call me five minutes after they're in the house. This doesn't work. I don't like this. You said that. These families, when they come in the house, they feel terrible. Something doesn't work, and they don't want to bother you. They're not paying so we have to be even more vigilant that that we're paying attention every little thing, because it's tough, because the families just don't want to bother you.
Alexis Reid
46:35
I will say you probably don't hear this that much, and I know how difficult it is to hold those boundaries and to be able to establish the consistency that you're talking about. But in our work, especially, like that's how we make change, right? Is to actually keep things simple and consistent. [Yes,] because that builds the opportunity and the flexibility to do more. [Yes.] And I love the way you're describing the process, and the way you get others involved. But it's not just like, here's a job to do, here's a task to cross off. It's like, this is the experience that we're trying to create so people can escape the realities of what it has been for them to be in the hospital and managing medications, and, you know, thinking about all of these really difficult, horrific challenges that these families are facing to be able to keep it simple and and to hear the gratitude that's expressed by the families that they're just happy to be together in a space, in a place that feels special, without them being taxed even more than they already.
Tim O’Connell
47:42
Yeah, originally, I wanted to open the house on the vineyard, and then I said, I don't want to put a burden on top of a burden, you know. So a burden is trying to get to the vineyard. I want it to be someone get in that car and drive down for the day, you know, they can. And we have people fly in now from all over the country. It's, it's interesting. I mean, because their family and friends are everywhere, and whoever's supporting them, you know, it doesn't matter. So it's, it's, you know, it's, it's interesting how the whole thing continues to evolve. And it's and you're talking about bringing other people in, and these volunteers, and we're not paying people, they're all volunteers that come in here every Sunday and but you're asking them to act a certain way, you know. And you have high expectations of them, and they get it, you know. And it's like, they all of a sudden they'll come around to me. It's like, Tim, we already know the answer. And because I say no so many times, and I'm like families, it's like we're in the yes business, you know, but I'm in the no business lots of times with things where people want to give you things, or people want to leave things behind, people want to do this, and it's like, no, like someone else is going to come in here, and, no, that doesn't belong there. Like, if anything, we we remove things to make things simpler for people to see and do while they're in the house. Because it's, it's important that when they're there, they don't, they don't even know, they kind of see what's going on, but they don't even, they don't know what happened to make that happen. [Alexis: I was gonna say the beauty of the experience is probably overwhelming enough, like, I can't believe I'm here, that if there's too many things, it actually it can shut down their system.]
It's very true, and it's interesting to the you even saying that, because we've had lots of we have kids that come in there that are non verbal, and getting brought into that space just freaks them out and but it's interesting the transition that happens. I mean, we had a kid that came in few weeks ago, and she just walked in and immediately screaming, crying, and the mom ended up going on the tour by herself and and that was it. And by Sunday, that girl was on cloud nine, you know, like the mom sending me pictures. She was so happy about the things that she found in there that found, she finds her space. I remember there was one that I met on a Sunday, and it was the same thing. And the dad told me, she's like, Tim, you know this, she doesn't speak or anything, and she's, I'm like, Oh, I I have no idea, because it's people getting out of the car for the first time. I don't know who they are. No, I don't look I don't, I don't care, you know, like, I just, I just, hey, let's, let's come in and and you get to stay here and do your thing and whatever. So that little girl was so funny because she was the same way she got in the first room. And then, like, okay, she's not going any further than that. Then I show the dad around, and then we come back downstairs, and then cut her over by the arts and crafts room. So funny. I walk in there with her, and she turns around, she looks at me, and she simply just backs me out of the room and closes the door. [Alexis: She's like, I found my space], my space, mine. Now we've had so many things like that. Yeah, that's like.
We've had kids swim, you know, for the first time, get up and start, you know, walking and running. After a year, people that hadn't stood a girl got up on the trampoline. Her mom was telling me, and she sent me a video. She goes, she did a flip, and she goes, he hasn't been able to do that in two years, you know. So there's lots of miracles happening, and that's, you know, we consider; and I've had this told to me by a doctor at one of our hospitals, and they consider Tommy’s Place as being part of the healing process for all the family. So it's a big deal to them when they refer families to us, because it's like, it's all encompassing. It's like, if you're in a certain environment and you could just go downhill. But right now, if you get, you know, you know, you win the Tommy's Place lottery, next thing you know, you have something to look forward to that you had nothing to look forward to except going in the hospital and being miserable
Alexis Reid
52:35
And sometimes just that change of space and environment and context. It gives you an opportunity to kind of, like, do a little bit of a reset. You know, we talk about that all the time with the patients you work with and the clients I work with. Sometimes we just need to step outside of what we do every day to gain a different perspective. And what an experience.
Tim O’Connell
52:55
Yeah, and it's interesting too, that people as you know, people, some people have money. Some people, that's the people don't have money. But I find, what I've found is people like saying that step stepping back. You might think you're all set, but until you get outside of yourself and maybe, and I've had, I've seen it happen, and the people that don't have anything, it's like, okay, they appreciate every, you know, everything that they get given to them and all that other stuff. But it's the people that I know that think they're all set, that I've seen them change by the end of the week, and they would say to me, it's like we had no idea how much we needed this. And, and those are the people that think they're all set, yeah, because they're financially all set, they're okay, [Alexis: like in this survival mode], and they can't do anything about their sick kid, yeah, as we know, you know, there's no dollar amount that's going to fix your kid. And so every every family gets impacted the same exact way.
Your kid is sick and there's nothing you can do. But you might think that we're all set, but I've seen that people on our side, and especially when they they watch their other kids, yeah, running around and screaming and having fun, that's when they Wow, they had no idea like. And lots of times, the focus becomes on the other kid and some of the older kids. I watch some of the older kids, and they'll see their little siblings running around, and I get to see them looking through my eyes. I get to see someone else looking through my eyes, at their at their siblings. Yeah.
Alexis Reid
54:40
Well, this is like developmental psychology in action, like in life. Because especially when there's an illness in the family, especially when it's a child who's dealing with chronic or severe illnesses that the other siblings or even the parents own, well being, kind of goes by the wayside, because the focus goes on the one individual who's really experiencing these tremendous issues that they're going through, and to be able to be in a space where, you know, it's not about being sick, it's about being together, yes, is such a tremendous opportunity. And it just, it just transcends everything else. It's incredible that you're able to to create this.
And you know, this is an audio podcast, but there's tons of videos online too, that tore you through the house, that you hear different children and family stories, which are just so beautiful to listen to. And you know, there's so much that we could talk about. And Jerry, I know you probably have a couple other questions, but and I also know that we have to just be mindful of the time as well that we could talk forever about this. I'm, like, so intrigued about all of it, and I'm sure we will stay connected for a while after this conversation. But I am curious to know, because this podcast does have a reach for all different types of people to hear. What are some of the ways people could potentially help and support Tommy’s Place to continue on?
Tim O’Connell
56:05
Yeah. So getting back to the, you know, the our greatest needs, I always tell people, I start the conversations like, we need funds, you know, like, and there's many ways for people; you don't necessarily have to write a check to us if you have the means, and you know, that's fine, but we have all year long, there's people… we haven't had to have one fundraiser in and seven years, you know. So I always encourage someone when they they call me and ask that question, how can I help? And I start giving them examples. I said they know it's people that do road races to people that do bike rides, there's people that do bake sales. There's people that do lemonade stands, because it all adds up. Lemonade stands of we've raised, you know, probably $150,000 at least out of lemonade stands. [Alexis: Wow, yeah, yeah, it's incredible, yeah, so I that's better than the CO fund me. Yeah, I'm telling you, kids supporting kids too.]
It's the best to watch the kids well.
Gerald Reid
57:18
kids don't really know how to react sometimes, when their peer is going through cancer, and I've seen that, and they can, you know, even feel a lot of guilt about not knowing how to connect or how to support, and what a beautiful example of how to, yeah, and it actually helps.
Tim O’Connell
57:30
I think, when they they start realizing what's going on. And they're probably told by their parents, you know what, what it is. And, and I would spend, I would be checking the family in on a Sunday at um one. But prior to that, the family would leave before 10. I would spend every Sunday, literally nine, 9:15, 9:30, 9:45 meeting little kids with little envelopes that did lemonade stands. Oh, my God. And this wasn't something that we asked. It was like they were just doing it.
So Rockland Trust came to me and asked that same question, how can we help, you know, besides just writing you a check, you know? And I said, I told him how I spent every Sunday, and I said, if you got behind us with, you know, these lemonade stands that these kids are doing. This could get really big. And it was interesting. At first, they were like, Okay, we're gonna get the Falmouth branch we’re all excited. And I'm like, I was thinking. I was thinking way bigger than that, yeah, something like, we got the door, we got Mashpee jumped on board. And then I just told someone else. The next thing, you know, the whole Cape got on board. So that was, like, the first year, and those, they probably all these kids, probably raised like 20, 20,000 almost, which is amazing one year, yeah. And then last year they got involved, and got all the branches involved. It's like 112. So raised 40 something $1,000 with the lemonade stands last year, you know. So those are those, a lemonade stand. I mean, we've had people do 5000 6000 those one I just that just happened. They did $12,000 on a lemonade stand. So, yeah, you can't write a check, maybe, but you can set up outside, and that's easy.
And Rockland Trust, they they give the kids the whole lemonade stand kit. We have a bank account set up so that it's a, it's a, it's a win, win thing all around. So these kids get to go and get their kids, and then they get to go bring the money back and make a deposit. You know when. That's awesome. [Alexis: And then it teaches them life skills too.] Yeah, it's incredible. Yeah. So it's like, so that's our our greatest need is always on that side, just so we can keep opening the door every Sunday, we can provide this opportunity turn the lights on all that stuff and then on like so that that's a hands on type of thing to where you can get involved. Some people like to write a check, but they also want to help.
So our other thing is as our. I call it our Sunday volunteer hospitality cleaning teams. And we have the most amazing people that come every Sunday and give up their time, and they help us clean the house. And that's that's just monumental for us, because if we had to pay that cleaning bill all the time. It would be huge, you know. And we'd be, you know, potentially down the road you have trouble, like, if you have to keep paying all those types of things. [Gerald: So cleaning must be really important, given, because].It's huge, yeah. So we'd make sure, like, it's, we like to have 10 to 12 people, if we can show up. In the beginning, it was, it was tough because I didn't know anybody. So it was, somebody told us they were gonna they told me they were gonna clean the house. They were impacted by cancer that lasted about three weeks. They were, they were always gonna be there for me. It lasted like three weeks, and they couldn't do it. And it was like, I remember this one mom that I had met previously, and she I walked into the house, I'm like, Oh my God, this house is spotless. She did it herself. So it was a Friday, and I called her and and I said, Is there any way you can help me? Because I was by myself, yeah. And she's like, Yeah, she came Sunday, and she and I would clean the whole house, you know?
And it's like, it's a lot, but she's a machine, you know? She would drive 45 minutes to do it. And so that cleaning thing, we have people right now that drive. We have some former families that come in and help us, but most people are just regular people that come there and help us clean, and it's a big thing. And I always tell people on the phone because, like, they get let down, they call you. I was like, Oh, what do you need? Like, you know, you tell them you need money, and then, well, you can help us clean. Like, I'm like, if you come there on a Sunday, you realize that it's Happy Land. There's no heavy lifting. You know, here and there we have a little there's a little bit more to do. But you meet wonderful people and there, if you want to feel good, I always tell people, I'm like, I don't do drugs or anything. But I said, people were like, how can you go there every Sunday? I'm like, You should go there once on a Sunday, then you'll never ask me that question ever again. You want to feel good go there and meet wonderful people you know, and of of all walks of life.
I tell people when they're walking around in some of these houses, I said, these people that are in here have donated a lot of money to us. They're like, really? And I go, yeah, they're all volunteers. And they're like, these are all volunteers. I said, Yeah. And I'm, I could be walking around with potential donors, whatever. They said, Yes, but these people want to be connected to what they're giving to. And it's that's part of that feel good. Hey, how can I how can I help? So there's, there's lots of ways that you can get involved that way, and you can get involved with different events that people do. I post all the events all the time, so we have them right on the website. So there was so many events that went on during the summer. I was it was amazing golf tournaments after golf tournaments that are helping us and and that's really what is sustaining this whole thing. We get involved with the Falmouth Road Race, and we've raised, and it's not us again, it's people that are fundraising for Tommy’s Place, but raising upwards of $200,000 now out of the road race. And we started off with like 10 little runners, you know, and now we had 75 you know.
So it's growing, but yeah, so that you can join our road race team [Alexis: and a lot of runners in Falmouth], we keep trying to build on that, because that's a that's a really helpful one for us for our sustainability purposes, and that's something that people, you know, people can walk or run or walk around or whatever they do to make it through the seven miles, and that's a big thing for us. So, so those are the things. I mean, helping us financially is a is a big thing, but there's many ways to segue into what that means.
Gerald Reid
1:04:15
You know, our office on Main Street, right next to The Run House, where a lot of the runway for the road race go to get their sneakers. So, yes, just a plug for people who are aware of that.
Tim, you know, I actually learned about Tommy’s Place by walking my sister's dog on Main Street in Falmouth. And a lady was walking her dog, and I said, Oh, you know, what are you up to? And she literally was saying, I'm gonna go volunteer for Tommy’s Place. Oh, wow. I don't know if she had a shirt on, if that's why I asked, or something like that, but I didn't know about Tommy’s Place until then, and she was so passionate about it and excited to tell me about it. And it was so genuine. And I think when you know a leader of an organization or someone who has the dream, is genuine, it really rubs off on other people when you genuinely care about what you're doing you believe in. And what a testament to, you know, the culture that you build around that we're gonna, you know, actually help people. And you know, I can't, the more and more I hear people who have been quote, unquote successful be interviewed now that there's so many podcasts out there, and you know, people who are celebrities or have made a lot of money or run businesses, I feel like there's always this theme, and maybe it's biased about, you know, what I'm hearing, but in terms of the sample size of what I'm hearing, but I definitely hear a theme of people just feeling like it doesn't feel fulfilling now that I made all this money or became successful or become so popular that they're looking for some deeper meaning in life.
Tim O’Connell
1:05:43
I I heard it was Will Smith. I heard him say something that having a lot of money is actually difficult. He says, When you can have all you want in anything that you want, it's really life is difficult, and people will look at that and scratch their heads. But I, you know, when I say it, and I'm like, I go step back from that. If you can wake up today and have anything you want, what are you gonna do? Answer that question, yeah, [Gerald: help a lot of people.] People like, I know what I would do, but I mean, it's not, it's that's not an easy thing to be, to get up and be motivated every single day. So what are you going to do? So like, that's when it's important to look outside of yourself. If you ask me, you know, there's, I can go buy any car I want. I can buy a plane, I can buy another plane, I can buy 10 more houses. So I think that's why people probably go through depression and everything else, because they can have everything they want, and they don't know how to look outside of themselves.
I always, I always say to people, like it's a massive struggle to do what you know, to do Tommy’s Place. And I said, you know, if Taylor Swift or Will Smith, or anybody that has lots of money, if they knew how little this would take so that we could, all right, look, we need, you know, we have 150 names on our waiting list right now. We just lost another kid. We've lost 32 kids that were on our waiting list or have stayed with us, right? These are real kids. I'm like, 32 kids. Like, I wasn't prepared for that. Meeting these little kids, and then, you know, three weeks later, they gone, like, how is that? How's that even possible? This little kid just walked into the house, and they're perfectly fine in my eyes, but they're not, you know, and it's, [Gerald: and it wouldn't take that much like you're saying, you know, because you simplified the process], yeah, the process there, the real estate part of it's, you know, we need this type of house, but we need this type of backing. That's my biggest thing. That holds, holds me back, is the financial part of it, you know. So I'm managing two houses right now, but, you know, if somebody like you see that they they don't know what to do with their money, that that's a prime example as a as a guy like that, you know, all these different celebrities and they; the impact, they could real impact, real impact, touchable, tangible. Go over there and touch it. Like, you know, you just bought a $200 million house Beyonce, and, you know, whatever, right? And it's like, step back from from yourself, okay?
It's like, great. That's awesome that you have that means to do that, but you realize, like, the impact that you could have, [Gerald: and it wouldn't take that much. Like, I think that's a really important point because of the way that you do this], yeah, yeah. Because how much they have, yeah, that's not much. It's like, there should be one of these in every state, you know, because I, I look at cancer as being something that's local. [Alexis: It can impact anybody. Yeah, doesn't matter how much doesn't matter. Gerald: And it's like all walks of life,] yeah, and, and you shouldn't have to go to Disney World to be to get a disney world experience.
Gerald Reid
1:09:06
And Tim, I just want to, you know, emphasize this, that what you're bringing to people, or you're giving them the opportunity, is one of the most fundamental aspects of being human, which is connection. And I love that that is what seems to be the driving force of this, not only for the families, but for the siblings, the parents, the community, their peers, their extended family, and the volunteers, the people who are donating. Everything about this is about connection, and I think people are craving that in life, especially in the digital world we live in now, there's nothing more special than that. I think it's a shining example of how important it is for people.
Tim O’Connell
1:09:44
Yeah, we've had, it's interesting because we've had kids who have reached out and asked, Can I help? You know, and some of them have to help because of school type of things, and they need to put hours in and things like that. But to watch the impact that it has on them. Wow. It's like, they'll come and they'll say, Well, I have to put to certain amount of hours. And then after they're there for like, two weeks, they'll come back and say, I'm already finished. I'm gonna finish my things next week. But can I keep coming back? And I'm just get blown away. And then, because they're walking into this environment where they're embraced by all of these people that are in there helping, and they can't wait to see you walk through the door next Sunday, they're so excited to see you, yeah, you know.
And because I, you know, a lot of lots of these people are probably 50 plus that are in there helping us. And next thing you know, there's a 16 year old girl in there, making beds, doing this, cleaning this, doing that, and to watch, to watch the way it's impact some of these younger, this younger crowd in the fact that they want to come back. You know, that's again, I couldn't write any of this anywhere and say this is going to happen. So to watch it happen organically, it's pretty it's pretty amazing to watch. Because just like you just said, it's this whole, this whole thing that's been that's happened.
I'm so grateful when I step back and I look at it, because I the nonprofit world is just, I've never done something so difficult in my life. You know, we don't have a; we're not selling anything. We're not renting rooms. We don't have this revenue stream other than people that are that are helping us, and they recognize that we need to help them, you know, so that, you know, they watch these families walk around the streets of Falmouth and Centerville, and they're connected to these families, you know, because that, hey, this is our… I who, in a million years would say like, like, Falmouth is going to be proud to have Tommy’s Place there.
Alexis Reid
1:12:04
we would and the revenue is in love. And it's a really, really beautiful thing. And I will say, you know, Jerry and I feel really blessed to wake up every day and do the work we do. It really feels like a passion and a purpose. And the work you are doing is it transcends, like everything you know, it's easy, like you said, to focus on the negative and the darkness and the sadness and a lot of people do, because sometimes it's difficult to move away and move past that. It makes sense. But the things that you are doing not just for the families who come through the door, but for the communities, for those who are hopefully going to hear this podcast episode, be inspired by a dream that kind of came from just one kindness that someone lent you and offered, which has trickled into so many other lives, so many other families, so many other people.
And, you know, during going through COVID, I always said, you know, I hope that this is the great unifier, as awful as this is, I hope we can all come out of this, just feeling more grateful for having come out of such a dark, heavy moment in time in history. And I know that Tommy’s Place didn't start during COVID. It was intended to begin sooner, but you know, if we can think from that time point on, I hope that we can all just appreciate and embrace this idea of gratitude and community and giving back that you really epitomize. And I know this is not your thing to go out publicly and share all of us. And again, [Tim: someone said to me, you’re going where? You don't go anywhere.] Well, we’ll continue this conversation. It means so so much, and we're so grateful for really, you do.
We hope that, we hope that, you know, those who listen will contribute back, and if, even if, not just the Tommy’s Place, to something else, that means a lot to you, that you can see can come to life. And if that could be an inspiration of your story, and to keep Tommy’s Place going, you know, we're glad to be some piece of that puzzle.
1:14:20
Tim O’Connell
Definitely. You know, it's everybody's a conduit to something else or someone else. And you know, hopefully somebody that's listening out there, you know, whether they they have the means or their desire, or maybe they know somebody else that might, and they just share. That's all we're all doing. That's all we're doing is we're just sharing, you know, and that's how it all. It all happens. And it's like I had a sponsor in one of the rooms. They actually sponsored three rooms in the house and Falmouth, and the woman had a little tattoo that said NMO, and it's in them, like, what is that? And she explained it's, it says not my own. So it's like everything that we have is ours to give to others and share, and that's right in the living room and and found with this three big letters on the wall NMO, and then there's a little sign that explains where that came from. And her pastor, of all people said that to her, said that in um in his sermon, and he didn't even know, like, when he said it, because she, she's like, she showed it to him. She’s like, Oh, look. And she was all excited to show it to him, and he didn't even realize. He realized he said it, yeah, and so, no, it's like. So you never know who this story will resonate with. Some people just they get excited by cats and dogs and, you know, whatever else it is, and kids with cancer are just not going to ring the bell, you know. And I get it, and that's everybody has their thing. And so you never know who's listening, or you never know who you're talking to, that it might not be them and it might not be yourselves, like that doesn't do anything for me, but you know somebody that would think, wow, I had no idea this exists.
It still happens in Falmouth. We've been there, and we're coming up on seven years, you know what I mean, and there's people that can live across the street and don't know what's there, because they're just, they're in their own world, you know, and they don't know, and that's really hard in this world too, because unless you're and not everybody's on Facebook, people are all over the place, you know. And it's like there's people that are in the newspaper, but unless there's some other compelling story to get in the newspaper, and you get bumped all the time. You know, even we were supposed to be on the different news stations, we get bumped really, all the time for tragedy. They'd rather talk about tragedy than talk about a good story. Talk about frustrating, you know. So that's. So you just, you can't plan on, you can't plan on any of this stuff.
And you know, the word of mouth thing is really what keeps us going in the in the people telling their stories. We ask them to share, and they share stories and photos with us. In it, that's a big thing, because I can say a million times, we close that door. We have no idea what goes on behind that. Yeah, we close that door, no idea and what it means to somebody. It means, you know, different things to to everyone. And unless you're in that, that world, that those families are in, you don't know, we don't know. I have no clue. Like I, I just guess, you know, I just guessed that people would like to have this opportunity to get away from their life, you know, and and go somewhere fun. And when that door closes, it's like, you know, all hell can break loose. When I walk those kids around the house and like that, their parents are like, their kids were like, getting the other beds, and I'm like, get up there. Like, I'm like, jump on the bed. And the parents are like, no, no. I'm like, I said, yeah, yeah. Like, there's 10 more beds to jump on. Yeah? Like, yeah. So everyone, they jump all over the beds. You know, it's not a museum, yeah? You know, it's, it's Disney World, you know? And people have said it, some of the moms, it's like, it's like, Disney World without the rides and, and we've had people go to Disney before and or after, and they will and who now, in a million years, or whatever, thought that someone say Tommy’s Place is better than Disney. It happened. It happens all the time.
Yeah, I think it's because they can bring whoever they want with them too. You know what? I mean, that's a different experience. When you do a night, you're not standing long lines, you're not just going on a quick ride, yeah, you're able to, like, [Alexis: lasting.] [Gerald: There's a beautiful quote by Dave Matthews Band, one of his songs, that says, turns out, not where, but who you're with that really matters.] Yeah, right.
Alexis Reid
1:19:00
I'm gonna hold the image of the kids jumping on the beds in my mind for a while now, and I think that's a great place to kind of wrap up and just you know, bless the doctors that are helping to treat these children and supporting the families and the families and these brave, courageous children who are undergoing treatment and and for for you and for the community and the volunteers and everybody that supports Tommy’s Place and supports these families. You know, I just so grateful. I could cry right now thinking about it, but I'm going to hold on to that image of the children jumping on the beds and just enjoying themselves, because even for that one moment, and I think all of us, whether we're experiencing tragedy or difficulty or not, we need to hold on and appreciate these small moments of joy, because it is easy to focus on the darkness, but I hope we can always find an opportunity to see the light. Yeah. So thank you so much, Tim for coming and joining us and sharing your story. My goodness.
Tim: Thank you guys for uh, I could talk about this 24/7 so it’s all good, you know it’s fun stuff to talk about it and I appreciate you guys recognizing the need that we have of sharing what Tommy’s Place is all about. So I appreciate you guys having me here today.
Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. Tim, thanks.
1:20:26
Thanks for tuning in to the Reid Connect-ED Podcast. Please remember that this is a podcast intended to educate and share ideas, but it is not a substitute for professional care that may be beneficial to you at different points of your life.
If you are in need of support please contact your primary care physician, local hospital, educational institution or support staff at your place of employment to seek out referrals for what may be most helpful for you. Ideas shared here have been shaped by many years of training, incredible mentors, research theory, evidence based practices and our work with individuals over the years, but it's not intended to represent opinions of those we work with or who we are affiliated with. The Reid Connect-ED Podcast is hosted by siblings Alexis Reid and Dr Gerald Reid. Original music is written and recorded by Gerald Reid. Editing and recording was done by Cyber Sound Studios. If you want to follow along on this journey with us, the Reid Connect-ED Podcast will be releasing new episodes every two weeks each season, so please subscribe for updates and notifications.
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In this episode, we interview Tim O’Connell, founder of the nonprofit “Tommy’s Place” on Cape Cod, Massachusetts, which provides a week-long dream vacation home free of charge for families with children undergoing cancer treatment. Tommy’s Place aims to offer a healing space to have fun and bond with loved ones on vacation despite all the life-altering challenges and burdens of pediatric cancer that affect not only the child undergoing treatment but also their families, friends, and support system. Tim shares the years-long journey of actualizing his vision for Tommy’s Place, including his persistence through the roadblocks, formulation of a system that works to sustain his vision in the long term, and the importance of community members coming together to support these families through donations and volunteer work. He shares the heartwarming experience that families experience during their vacation stay and the deep and meaningful impact Tommy’s Place has had on donors and volunteers. We hope this episode inspires the listener to appreciate how people can help other people in creative ways.

Be curious. Be Open. Be well.

The Reid Connect-Ed Podcast is hosted by Siblings, educational therapist, Alexis Reid, M.A. and licensed psychologist, Dr. Gerald Reid, produced by CyberSound Recording Studios, and original music is written and recorded by www.Jerapy.com

*Please note that different practitioners may have different opinions- this is our perspective and is intended to educate you on what may be possible.

Season 5